


Fate, or Something Like That

by e_cat



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Awkwardness, Blue and Ronan fight in most loving way possible, Fate, I will add more tags when I figure out what I'm doing, I'm Sorry, I'm slowly adding more tags, Insecurity, M/M, Slow Build, i don't know why, some homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 32,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3227249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_cat/pseuds/e_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically just me wondering what would have happened to our characters if Gansey hadn't come to Henrietta when he did. Like, if he didn't show up until a year or so later. What was destined to happen? How would everything turn out? It basically starts right around the beginning of the school year just after Ronan's father died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These characters belong to Maggie Stiefvater. Hopefully, what I'm doing to them isn't too horrible.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the school year after Ronan's father died. Ronan isn't sure why Adam Parrish intrigues him so much.

Ronan Lynch was not looking at Adam Parrish. He was definitely not interested in what made Adam Parrish work. He definitely did not want to understand his motivations. He definitely did not want Adam Parrish to look at him. He really, really didn’t, no matter how many times his eyes wandered in that direction.

Ronan was trying his best not to show an interest in Adam Parrish. Sure, he’d heard the other students saying things about him – how he was a scholarship student, and he lived in a trailer park – but Ronan was not like the other students. Ronan did not show an interest in anything, except maybe Latin, and even then it was sarcastic, arrogant interest.

So why did Ronan keep finding his eyes examining Adam Parrish? Why did Ronan feel such a strange desire to understand Adam’s soul? It didn’t make any sense.

Maybe it was that Adam was good at Latin, but Ronan was almost certain that he was better. There was no part of Ronan that even cared, really, if Adam got a better grade in Latin that him. Actually, there was no part of Ronan that cared what grade he got in Latin at all. Latin was a part of him, and there was nothing that he needed to prove in the walls of this classroom.

Adam was different.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was that Adam was different from the other students. There was that look of determination on his face, like he was going to do this no matter what anyone said. Ronan could see that determination slowly chipping away, day by day. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would take to save him.

But that wasn’t quite right. Something told Ronan that Adam wouldn’t let anyone save him, especially if it was someone like Ronan, who didn’t even know why he wanted to. What Ronan thought he wanted to do was to make it a little easier for Adam to save himself. But he didn’t know why he wanted to do that, either.

Ronan walked back to his room after Latin. He didn’t feel a pressing need to attend any of his other classes. Not that he felt any need to attend Latin class, of course. It was just… there was Latin and Adam Parrish there. Not that Ronan went to Latin because of Adam. He went for the Latin. He had to admit, though, that the mystery of Adam Parrish was an interesting thing to ponder over when the rest of the class was struggling with something horribly remedial.

When Ronan reached his room, his roommate, Noah, was there. “Don’t you have class?” he demanded. He had been looking forward to having some time to himself. Noah’s presence would stop him from doing anything too stupid. Ronan was not in the mood to be stopped.

“Don’t you?” Noah shot back immediately.

Ronan sighed and grabbed the keys to his father’s car. Technically, it was his car now, as Declan and Matthew weren’t making any claims on it. He wondered if it would ever feel like his car, though. “Nino’s?” Ronan suggested.

“I’m not hungry,” Noah whined.

“I didn’t say I was feeding you,” Ronan replied. “So you can either come watch me eat pizza, or you can be a fucking recluse.”

Noah wrinkled his nose, which did something weird to his face. He looked more smudgy than usual. Ronan looked away, and he heard Noah stand up. “I’m not eating any pizza,” he warned.

Ronan laughed, just because he felt that he was expected to. “Good,” he replied, leading the way out of the dorms. At Nino’s he managed to eat an entire pizza on his own while Noah watched. It didn’t do anything to stop his thoughts from wandering to Adam Parrish.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of symmetry, Adam wonders what is so intriguing about Ronan Lynch.

Adam Parrish was just trying to get through Aglionby. Every day, he biked home questioning his decision to attend the obnoxious private school. Every day, he looked at the trailer that he called home, and decided that he had to get out all over again. But he could tell that his exhaustion with the world of Aglionby was ever-growing, while his distaste for the place he’d grown up was fairly stagnant at this point.

Mostly, Adam didn’t take an interest in the other students. They had their privileges and their principles, while Adam few of the former and increasing found that he couldn’t afford the latter.

But Ronan Lynch was different, somehow. Just like any other rich boy, he was wasteful and entitled. But there was something about him that made Adam think that there was more to him than what he could see. Something told him that Ronan Lynch might be worth getting to know.

Perhaps it was that the only person Ronan interacted with on a regular basis was a smudge of a boy who seemed to drift around the school like a ghost. Perhaps it was that he had an older brother he couldn’t seem to stand or get away from. Adam could relate. Maybe that was why Adam was wondering where he was.

Ronan Lynch, Adam knew, could not be counted upon to attend any of his classes regularly. Except for Latin, that is. Ronan never missed Latin. In fact, he was never even late.

And, yet, Latin class was half-over, and Ronan Lynch was not there. Adam kept glancing at the empty desk. After a while, he realized that a lot of other students were doing the same. Come to think of it, Adam thought that the typical background noise of students talking over the teacher was being carried out by a larger percentage of the class. In spite of this, the volume seemed lower than usual, as if everyone was speaking in hushed tones. Adam strained his ears, but he couldn’t seem to make out what they were saying.

On the way out of Latin class, Adam took a deep breath and tapped a classmate on the shoulder. The boy looked at his hand with a measure of disgust, as if he didn’t trust that it was clean. Admittedly, Adam didn’t trust that his hands were clean, either. “Hey, what’s everyone been talking about all day?” he asked, hoping that he was right and that he didn’t sound like a complete idiot.

His classmate’s eyebrows shot up. “Whoa,” he said. “You didn’t hear yet?” Adam shook his head to be polite, although he thought that it was pretty clear that he hadn’t heard. The boy dropped his voice, eyes darting around as if trying to make sure that no one overheard, which Adam found pretty stupid, since the whole school apparently already knew. “Ronan Lynch tried to kill himself last night.”

Adam felt numb. The boy was watching for his reaction, but when he didn’t get the one he was looking for, he shrugged and walked away. Adam had to shake himself into walking to his next class. Perhaps the news had shocked him, but that was no reason to be late for class.

Adam couldn’t believe what he’d heard. Ronan Lynch had tried to kill himself? Ronan Lynch, who seemed to radiate confidence and indifference, had been so miserable that he’d wanted to die? How could the world make sense when boys like Ronan Lynch didn’t want to live?

Adam wondered what would have happened if Ronan had succeeded. He couldn’t explain the relief in him that the word “tried” had been in that sentence. He also couldn’t explain the feeling that he wouldn’t be entirely calm until he got some kind of confirmation that Ronan was alive. But there was no way for him to do that, and, anyways, there was no reason for Adam to care what happened to Ronan Lynch. So, Adam just had to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I decided that, because Gansey isn't around to help Ronan, Ronan's dreams get worse more quickly, and that his "suicide attempt" came earlier. That is why Adam hasn't left Aglionby, in spite of his thoughts in the book that he would have without Gansey: it has not reached that point yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan returns to classes after his "suicide attempt."

The first day back was the worst. Ronan had to go to all his classes, and he did mean _all_ of them. Declan had told him that he needed to make an effort. That he needed to go to his classes and do his homework and attempt to be sociable. Ronan wouldn’t be listening, except that Declan’s threat was to take away his father’s car. If that didn’t work, Declan promised that Ronan would be forced to room with him instead of Noah. And while Noah may have deserved to have a good, kind roommate like Matthew, Ronan could not stand the thought of being forced into the same space as Declan.

Ronan knew that none of this was Declan’s fault, but Declan was the oldest. Declan was supposed to be responsible, and he was supposed to always tell Ronan the truth. Ronan couldn’t help but feel let down when Declan acted like any other teenaged boy, or when Declan told him lies, like when he said that things would get better. Ronan knew that Declan was trying to help, and somehow, he couldn’t forgive him for that.

Ronan especially couldn’t forgive Declan for his plan of making Ronan normal by sending him to class. Ronan was tired and he just wanted to sleep, but he was terrified of closing his eyes. Sleeping had almost killed him, and, to his surprise, Ronan didn’t actually want to die.

Ronan wondered if it was possible that his father could have died in the same way – beaten with a tire iron in his dreams, waking up and finding that he hadn’t escaped death by waking up after all. But Ronan had to dismiss that possibility. His father wouldn’t have casually laid down for a nap beside his car, and his father didn’t struggle with the dreams like Ronan did. Ronan was like his father in that he could take things from his dreams, but he felt like a disappointment in terms of his level of skill.

Ronan walked into Latin class early. It was better than having everyone stare at him in the hallway. He knew that he looked pale and tired. He knew that the bandages on his arm were obvious. He didn’t to be reminded of how unintimidating he looked today.

Unfortunately, that meant that he would be. Moments after he sat down in his regular seat, Adam Parrish entered the classroom and stopped to stare at the sight of him. Ronan didn’t say anything, because he didn’t have a good comeback. Even if he did, there were too many people to use it on.

Adam dropped his bag at his desk and came up to Ronan. Ronan couldn’t explain the increase in his heart rate as Adam approached. Adam stopped in front of him and waited for acknowledgement. Ronan was too busy trying to control his pulse to award it to him. Adam knocked on his desk, and Ronan finally looked up. His heart slammed a little faster as he made eye contact. “What?” he managed to growl.

Adam cleared his throat, looking nervous. “I… I just wanted to let you know…” He cleared his throat again. “I’m glad you’re not dead.”

Ronan glared at him. “Who the fuck says something like that?”

Adam looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. “I, uh… I just thought that you should know,” he mumbled. “I thought you should know that someone cares.”

Ronan just stared. _Adam Parrish cares what happens to me?_ He felt a foreign emotion in his chest – one that he was too scared to name. Adam slunk back to his seat, and Ronan couldn’t help the disappointment that he felt that Adam was giving up on him, too. Ronan thought about his brother’s insistence that he try to make friends. He looked at Adam. “Parrish?” he called, not sure why he was doing it or why it made him so nervous.

Adam looked up. “Yeah?”

Ronan took a quick breath. “Could you come by my room later and tell me what I missed?” His throat was dry as he awaited Adam’s reply.

Adam looked surprised, but Ronan couldn’t blame him for that; Ronan was surprised, too. “Sure,” Adam said, and Ronan felt as if a weight had been removed from his chest. He wondered what he was getting himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In terms of Ronan's feelings towards Declan, I assume that his hatred began building after his father's death. Since it is so close to the time that his father died, Ronan does not completely despise him yet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan study Latin.

Adam stood in front of the dorms, staring at the building. He was starting to regret agreeing to meet Ronan Lynch in his dorm room. He had been so stunned that he hadn’t even thought to ask which room he lived in. He hadn’t seen Ronan to ask him since it had occurred to him, and he was beginning to wonder if he should just go home.

Adam looked around for someone to ask, hoping for a familiar or friendly face. Familiar was hard because it was only a few weeks into the year and all these rich boys looked the same. Friendly was hard because it was Adam Parrish who was looking.

Without warning, someone clapped his hand on Adam’s back. Adam couldn’t help it; he flinched. The reflex filled him with shame. He felt as if everyone could see him for what he was: _Look, it’s Adam Parrish, a piece of dirt who lets his even more piece-of-dirt father beat him recreationally._

Dark laughter filled the air as Adam turned. There was Ronan Lynch, grinning like he’d just pulled off some sort of impressive feat. Adam glared at him. “Man, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, but he continued laughing. He removed his arm from Adam’s back and started for the dorm building. Adam just stared after him, and Ronan glanced over his shoulder without slowing down. “Coming Parrish? Or were you planning on becoming the school’s newest decoration?”

Adam narrowed his eyes. He was definitely regretting agreeing to this. Still, he followed Ronan into the building. Ronan led him to his room and unlocked the door. Before Adam had a chance to take in anything about the appearance of the room, he heard Ronan saying, “Out.”

It took Adam a second to realize that Ronan wasn’t talking to him. In fact, he wouldn’t have noticed Ronan’s roommate if the boy hadn’t made a sound of protest from where he slouched on his bed, blending into the background like a shadow. “Why?” the boy demanded. He glanced at Adam. “Hi, Adam.”

Adam squinted at Ronan’s roommate – the same boy that seemed to be his only friend. Adam had never actually met him, and didn’t know his name. But, when you were Adam Parrish, scholarship student, Adam supposed everyone knew who you were.

Adam looked to Ronan in time to catch his shrug. “Stay if you want. But you’re going to be subjected to an irritating amount of Latin.” He attached a Latin phrase to the end of his sentence to prove his point. Adam scrambled to come up with a translation, and got half-way through the sentence before he realized that he _really_ didn’t want to know what Ronan had said.

The boy made a face. He got up and drifted out of the room, leaving Ronan and Adam alone. Somehow, that unnerved Adam more than the strange boy knowing his name. Adam gave Ronan a look. “You didn’t have to send him away,” Adam said. “This won’t be too long, I don’t think.”

“Noah doesn’t like Latin so much,” Ronan replied indifferently. “Says it brings back bad memories.” He smirked suddenly. “Of course, who wouldn’t have a few bad memories of Latin class when the teacher’s name is Barrington fucking Whelk?”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh. He, too, found their Latin teacher’s name to be excessively pretentious. “Well, bad memories or not, you should probably look over what he’s been teaching.” Adam looked around the room at the two beds and two desks, unsure of where to put his things or sit. Ronan’s side of the room looked lived-in. Adam couldn’t come up with a verb for what Noah was doing on his side. Everything looked immaculate.

Ronan flopped heavily onto his bed and kicked out a desk chair for Adam. “Fine. Let the torture begin.”

Adam smirked and sat down facing Ronan. He spread his Latin notebook over his lap and began explaining what had been covered over the last few days. It went pretty smoothly until Adam found something he didn’t remember learning. He stumbled over the rushed writing – clearly from near the end of class – trying to make sense of what he had written. When he had been squinting silently at the page for a full minute, Ronan got up and stood behind him to look over his shoulder at the notes.

After studying Adam’s sloppy handwriting for a moment – Adam blushed at how horrible his public-school penmanship must look – Ronan snorted. “He went over _that?_ That’s got to be the easiest thing in the whole class!”

Adam remained silent, ashamed of his inability to understand a single word on the page. Ronan glanced at him, and seemed to realize his mistake. “He probably won’t put anything about it on the test,” Ronan assured him. “And, besides, it’s easy enough to understand – if the right person explains it. Which, clearly, is not Barrington Whelk.” He shook his head in disgust as he spoke their Latin teacher’s name. “I can explain it to you, if you want.”

Adam took a breath. He didn’t like pity, but he didn’t feel like that’s what Ronan was offering him. He also had a feeling that Ronan wouldn’t be offering if he didn’t want to. And he wouldn’t offer again if Adam said no. “Sure,” Adam said, trying not to feel ashamed of himself. “If you want to.”

Ronan nodded thoughtfully, and, just like that, they switched roles, so that now Ronan was teaching Latin to Adam. Ronan’s explanations sawed hours off of the time Adam would have needed to study otherwise. Adam felt hopeful that he might actually get a couple extra hours of sleep tonight. Probably, though, he would just use the extra time to get ahead on the English assignment.

Before long, Adam was out of time. He stood and packed up his bag. He thought, for a brief second, that Ronan looked disappointed. Then he blinked, and Ronan looked as indifferent as ever. “I have to go to work,” Adam explained.

Ronan nodded, and Adam headed for the door. He was just about to open it when Ronan said, “Hey, Parrish. Let me give you a ride.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Declan is unhappy with Ronan. (What else is new?)

When Declan showed up, Adam was busy falling out of the desk chair with laughter. Noah had been laughing, too, but he got a serious look on his face when Declan appeared in the doorway. Ronan could tell that he wanted to leave, but Declan was blocking the way out, so Noah settled for sinking as far into the wall as his bed would allow.

“Ronan,” Declan said, his voice dripping with disapproval. That got Adam’s attention. He pulled himself off of the floor and settled back on the chair with his Latin notes. In spite of the heavy Latin presence, Noah had opted to join them, considering that their conversations rapidly devolved into the sort of discussions that _definitely_ wouldn’t get them into college.

“Declan,” Ronan replied coolly. He didn’t let Declan’s presence affect his posture. The only thing that had changed was his expression, which he hoped told Declan to go the fuck away.

“I heard that you skipped History yesterday,” Declan stated. “I thought you were going to try.” The accusation in his voice made Ronan roll his eyes.

“I _did_ try,” he responded.

Declan glared at him. “It’s only been a week!”

“Yes,” Ronan said through gritted teeth, “and History is still boring as fuck.”

Declan sighed in exasperation. Ronan could tell that this was going to go badly. Granted, things never went well with Declan.

Ronan glanced at Adam, who was watching this interaction with an odd expression. Declan looked at Adam as well, and Ronan noted that the look on his face was disapproving. Normally, Ronan would be pleased to have found a way to obey Declan’s orders and make him sorry that he had, but instead he felt strangely protective of Adam. It made him angry to think that Declan didn’t like Ronan being friends with him, which seemed fairly backwards to Ronan.

“You should leave,” Ronan said quietly, not entirely sure who he was speaking to.

Declan probably wasn’t sure, either, but he stepped to the side of the doorway and crossed his arms to wait for Ronan’s friends to escape. He always had that politician air that made people believe he was doing the right thing even as he destroyed their lives.

Adam shoved his books into his bag and headed for the door with Noah trailing behind him. He shot an apologetic look at Ronan as he left, and Ronan couldn’t quite name the emotion that left him with. He assigned it to anger, and so anger it became.

“Adam Parrish?” Declan demanded. “Really? That’s who you choose to make friends with?”

Ronan got to his feet and glared at his brother. “You’re the one who told me to make more friends,” he pointed out. Perhaps he _was_ a little glad to have simultaneously obeyed and irritated Declan.

“Do you do these things just to annoy me?” Declan demanded.

Ronan snorted in derision. He did what he wanted, regardless of how it would make Declan feel. “Right. Because that’s the only reason I ever do anything.”

Declan narrowed his eyes. “Ronan, I really don’t think that making friends with that trailer park kid is the best way to make it through school.”

“Hey, Adam is a good person,” Ronan defended automatically. “Probably a far better influence on me than you ever will be.”

Declan’s face was pinched, his eyes only slits. He nodded to himself as if he had figured something out, although Ronan wasn’t sure what that might be. “I don’t want you to be friends with him,” Declan decided.

That was when Ronan threw the first punch. It wasn’t the first time they’d fought, and it wasn’t even the first time since their father had died. But this time was different, because Ronan wasn’t entirely sure what they were fighting over. Declan’s disapproval of his friendship with Adam should have made Ronan angry, but not so angry that a physical fight erupted over it.

Maybe that was why Ronan actually listened when Declan forced him off and shouted, “Enough! Ronan, enough!”

Panting, Ronan glared at him. “You can’t decide my life for me,” he growled. “You aren’t in charge of me, Declan.”

Declan narrowed his eyes. “Actually, I am. So, forgive me for trying to keep you alive!”

“What does studying Latin with Parrish have to do with whether I’m alive or not?” Ronan demanded. “I thought you’d be thrilled!” Ronan actually had been pretty sure that it would please Declan to see him studying with one of the smartest students at the school. For some reason, he’d befriended Adam Parrish anyways.

Declan just shook his head. “This isn’t going to end well,” he said.

“Couldn’t be any worse than what you do to your girlfriends,” Ronan retorted, choosing to pick at his favorite subject of insults rather than question what Declan had meant. “What’s her name this week, Declan? Or should I ask how many there are this week?”

Declan let out a breath, trying to control himself. Ronan wondered at his restraint; he usually would have punched Ronan by now. He jabbed a finger in Ronan’s direction. “Lashing out at me isn’t going to change anything. You know I’m right.”

And with that, Declan left, leaving Ronan wishing for some sort of resolution. He shouldn’t have let Declan end the fight. Now he just felt empty, in need of _something,_ some sort of thrill. He grabbed his car keys and headed for the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just boys being idiots. :)

Adam frowned at the new speeding ticket above Ronan’s bed. “I begged him not to post them on the door,” Noah said, startling Adam. Adam wasn’t sure if Noah had just arrived, or if he just hadn’t noticed him before.

Adam glanced at him, incredulous. “And he listened?”

Noah laughed gleefully. “No! Someone kept ripping them down!” He thought for a minute. “Probably Declan.”

“Probably you,” Ronan commented, returning with three sodas from the vending machine.

Noah looked offended, but he held out a hand for a soda anyways. Adam scowled at Ronan. “I didn’t ask for a soda,” he noted. “I don’t want your charity.”

Ronan laughed. “Good thing it’s not charity then.” He tossed a can at Adam, who caught it reflexively. He glared at his hands as if they’d betrayed him. “Come on,” Ronan said. “We’re going to the roof.”

Adam gave him a look. He wanted to say that they were not allowed on the roof, but he had already learned that the only response to such an observation was a scoff. Instead, he asked, “Why?”

Ronan gave him a terrible grin and led the way out of the room, Noah parading after him. Adam sighed and followed. How he had come to be friends with Ronan Lynch, ruler of rule-breaking, Adam could not even begin to fathom.

All the way up to the roof, Noah shook his soda can, grinning happily. Adam was beginning to get some idea of what they were going to do on the roof, and he wasn’t a big fan of the idea. Still, he followed.

Ronan propped open the door to the roof with a brick. The brick had probably been left for students who made a habit of smoking cigarettes or other things they shouldn’t have on the roof. If these boys weren’t so rich and privileged, Adam imagined that they wouldn’t be remotely allowed to get away with it.

“Okay, Parrish,” Ronan said. “Time for a lesson in entertainment. Here’s how it works: you shake the can, and then you fucking drop it off the roof.” His tone was mocking; he knew that Adam was smart enough to know what to do. “Noah will demonstrate.”

Ronan waved Noah forward. Noah gave the soda one last shake, though the top was already beginning to bulge, and he released it over the edge. The can reached the ground and burst open, spraying soda all over the sidewalk. A few people glanced up, and Noah danced away from the edge, howling with laughter.

Ronan had been shaking his own can of soda and glanced at Adam. “Start shaking it now,” he advised. He stepped over the edge and threw the can as hard as he could, nearly losing his balance. Adam watched the can impact the ground, sending up another fountain of soda.

Ronan nodded to Adam. “Okay, Parrish. Moment of truth. Your turn.”

Adam swallowed nervously. He was pretty sure that there wasn’t a specific rule against throwing soda off of the roof, but he didn’t want to find out what the consequences were regardless. He stepped to the edge of the roof and let the can go. It sailed to the ground, where it obtained a dent, but did not break open.

Ronan growled in frustration. He pulled out a bill and handed it to Noah. “More soda, Noah!” he commanded. Noah scurried to oblige, still laughing.

Adam looked at Ronan anxiously, sorry to have failed at dropping soda off the roof. It just figured that such a mundane activity would remind Ronan of Adam's inferiority. Probably, Ronan would tell him to get lost.

Ronan surprised him, though, by saying, “It was a good first attempt.” Adam stared at him, and he continued. “Of course, it doesn’t work every time. There’s got to be system to it.” Adam had just started to think that Ronan was talking to himself when he looked over at Adam expectantly. “Well, Parrish? What do you think? How do we get them to break every time?”

Adam, surprised to be consulted, stuttered, “Well, um, we could… um…”

“Spit it out, Parrish,” Ronan demanded.

Adam cleared his throat. “Well, the more force they hit the ground with, the more likely the can will break. So… throwing them is probably a good strategy.”

Ronan nodded, pleased to have stumbled upon the proper technique by accident. “Anything else?”

Adam considered, but in the end he simply shrugged. “Shake them up more? Hit them with pressure from both sides.”

Ronan looked thoughtful. Then, Noah arrived with an armful of soda cans. Adam looked at Ronan. “How much money did you give him?”

“Not that much,” Ronan replied. “Noah!” he called. “What, did you break into the machine?” He sounded pleased.

Noah just laughed and dropped the pile on the rooftop. One can hit a sharp rock and began spraying soda from a gash in its side. Adam looked at Ronan as Noah grabbed the can and hurled it over the edge of the roof with a squeal. “Hitting something pointy helps, too,” he noted.

Ronan glared at Noah. “If you hit someone with that soda…”

Noah hurried to the edge and scanned the ground. “It doesn’t look like it even sprayed anyone,” he whined.

Ronan smirked. “If you see Declan, you can hit him. Other than that, avoid hitting people. We don’t need anyone coming up here to stop our fun.”

Noah nodded seriously, and grabbed another soda. He shook it up and pushed in the tab slightly before sending it spinning in an arc across the green. “Spirals,” he commented, pointing to the stream of soda trailing behind the can.

Adam took a can from the pile and shook it furiously before shoving it towards the ground with a yell. The can exploded soda, making up for his previous failure. Ronan grinned and grabbed a can of his own.

They continued this for a while, until Noah announced, “More soda!” and took off running for the door. Adam glanced at the pile of soda cans, which still held six sodas, and wondered why Noah was going to restock so soon. Besides, his arm was getting tired.

Ronan seemed to realize what Noah was up to, though, because he started running after Noah. “Noah!” he yelled, furious. “Don’t you dare!”

Noah let out a squeal of laughter and ducked through the door, kicking the brick away and pulling it closed behind him. Adam ran for the door now, too. “Noah!” Ronan yelled, pounding on the door. “You open this door right this second!”

“Noah!” Adam joined in. “I need to go to work soon! This isn’t funny! Noah!”

The only answer was Noah’s pleased laugher leaking through the door. Ronan kicked the door in frustration and stalked back across the roof. Noah just laughed louder. Adam tried to be calm and rational. “Noah,” he tried, “please open the door. I need to go soon.”

Noah’s replied was distorted by the door and his laughter, but Adam thought that he said something like “Not until you make up!” Adam wasn’t sure why that made Noah laugh so much. Also, he didn’t think that he and Ronan were fighting. At least not today.

Adam sighed and walked over to where Ronan sat beside the soda pile. “Do you have any idea how long he’ll leave us up here?” he asked.

Ronan shrugged. “Until he gets tired of laughing,” he suggested, holding out a can of soda. Ronan was already drinking his own soda, and Adam opted to stare at the drink rather than take it. Ronan scowled. “It’s not fucking, charity, Adam,” he said. “It’s fucking leftovers.”

Adam stared at the soda for another minute, but Ronan just kept holding it out to him. It was a battle of stubbornness, and Adam was too tired and thirsty to hold out until Ronan gave up. He snatched the soda and sat on the roof beside Ronan with a sigh. “I guess we’re done throwing sodas off the roof, then,” he said.

Ronan flashed him an evil grin and began shaking another soda. But he didn’t get up. Adam realized what he was up to too late, and only just managed to avoid getting soda in his eyes. Ronan hurried away, laughing as Adam glared at him with soda dripping from his hair. The soda can in Ronan’s hand had fizzled down and Ronan dropped it to the rooftop where the remaining liquid leaked out.

Adam’s hand shot out and grabbed the discarded can. Ronan’s eyes widened, and Adam flicked his hand at Ronan so that the soda flew at Ronan. “Oh, you’re going to get it, Parrish,” Ronan warned, throwing the rest of the soda he’d been drinking at Adam. He grabbed two more cans of soda from the pile while Adam was distracted.

Adam got to his feet with his own unopened can and the last can from the pile. He and Ronan both shook their cans vigorously. Ronan struck first, darting towards Adam and popping open the can in his left hand. Adam couldn’t help but laugh as he opened one of his own cans at Ronan.

Ronan ran across the roof and Adam followed, reaching up to empty the soda can on Ronan’s head before discarding it. Ronan grinned and caught his wrist. Adam looked down at his hand in shock. He tried to pull his hand away, but Ronan just pulled him closer. Before Adam could ask what Ronan was doing, there was soda in his face.

Adam licked the liquid off his lips, and Ronan’s eyes seemed to grow even more intense. Ronan was out of ammunition. He should have been trying to evade Adam. But he was still holding onto Adam’s wrist.

“Parrish,” Ronan whispered. “Adam.”

Adam swallowed nervously. He was suddenly very scared. Somewhere, he knew what he was afraid of, but whichever part of him knew refused to share. “Yeah?” His voice was quiet, too.

Ronan took a breath and shook his head to himself. He dropped Adam’s wrist and stepped away. Adam felt strangely disappointed, like he’d missed something. “You have soda on your face,” Ronan said, rather obviously. He wasn’t looking at Adam. Adam squinted – was Ronan Lynch _blushing?_

Adam stepped towards Ronan, and Ronan stepped back. Adam tried it again, with the same results. Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing Noah. The atmosphere seemed to expand, and Adam realized that he hadn’t noticed how small the world had seemed for the past several minutes.

Ronan pushed past Noah into the building without a word. Noah looked at Adam, frozen on the roof. “You have to fix it,” he said.

“Fix what?” Adam asked, confused.

Noah just shook his head. “You know,” he said. And, with a chill, Adam thought that Noah might be right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam tries to fix things with Ronan.

“Ronan.” Adam caught him as he headed out towards his car, armed with an attitude that could get someone killed. Ronan sighed; he really didn’t want that person to be Adam.

“We’re good, Parrish,” he said. Technically it was true. Ronan’s problem was not with Adam, but with himself. “Just forget about it.”

Adam looked confused, and Ronan didn’t blame him; he was confused, too. Adam, curse him, held his ground anyways. “I don’t want to forget about it.” Ronan felt his heart jump, but he knew that Adam didn’t know what he was saying. Adam didn’t understand what had happened up on the roof. Adam didn’t understand what Ronan was feeling right now. “Look,” Adam said, confirming Ronan’s suspicions, “I don’t know what I did to make you upset, but I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to…” He ran a hand over his face. “You and Noah are the only friends I have here. I don’t want to ruin that.”

Ronan squinted at him. Maybe Adam _did_ know what was going on, after all. “It’s all good,” Ronan assured him. There was no way he was going to tell Adam that he was falling apart inside and his blood was singing for tires against pavement. “Just drop it, Parrish.”

Adam looked suspicious. Maybe Ronan seemed too calm. He glanced at Adam’s clothes, soaked with soda. Ronan had thrown on dry clothes, but Adam didn’t have that option. His clothes were at his house, and he had to go to work like five minutes ago. Ronan had to stop himself from apologizing – Adam would definitely know that something was up if he did – and cursed himself for the difficulty he was having reassembling his walls.

“Let me drive you home,” Ronan said. His voice was too gentle, and he strained to make it normal. “Unless you’re planning on going to work in that.” It was supposed to be derisive. It wasn’t working well.

Adam looked down at himself and swore. “I don’t have time to go home and change! I have to be there in ten minutes!”

“You don’t want to work like that,” Ronan said. “You should borrow some of Noah’s clothes; they’ll probably fit you.” But then he remembered something. “Fuck. I don’t think Noah owns anything but school uniforms.” Adam laughed nervously, and Ronan almost lost his nerve to make his offer. “You can borrow some clothes from me. They’ll be a little big, but it’s better than being soaked and sticky.” Ronan cursed himself mentally. That sounded so stupid and sexual. He wasn’t sure what to do with his emotions right now. They kept altering his words.

“Okay,” Adam said. Ronan couldn’t believe that Adam had agreed. He had to remind himself that it was just so that Adam wouldn’t be dripping soda for the next eight hours. It was just a friendly gesture, lending clothes. Which meant… _shit._ Ronan had been staring a little too long. He shook himself and opened the door to his room. He hurried to the dresser to avoid meeting Adam’s eyes. He riffled through his drawers and finally pulled out some clothes that were a little small on him.

“Try those,” he said, throwing the clothes on Noah’s bed so that he didn’t have to look at Adam. “That’s probably the best I can do.”

Adam nodded, and Ronan ducked out of the room to give him some privacy. It would be too much to stay in the room while Adam changed. Besides, Ronan needed a moment to collect himself before driving Adam to work – and there was no way he wasn’t going to.

Ronan struggled to force some of his excess emotions into anger. He had plenty of people to direct that anger at. He was angry at Noah for locking them up on that roof. He was angry at Declan for apparently figuring all this out before he did. He was angry at himself – for grabbing Adam’s hand, for almost speaking his feelings the moment he figured them out, for not having the guts to finish it off, for being angry at himself for not finishing it off – but he tried not to send too much anger there. When Ronan was angry at himself, there was no way to escape the crush of emotion without a speeding ticket or a case of beer, and he needed to drive Adam to work.

The one person Ronan wasn’t angry at, though, was Adam. He couldn’t be angry at Adam when it was Ronan who had gone and ruined everything. He couldn’t blame Adam when it was Ronan who had backed away – who had gotten close in the first place.

The door opened and there was Adam, with Ronan’s clothes hanging loosely on his skin. Ronan tried not to look too closely. “Come on,” he said, eyes on the floor. “I’ll drive you to work.”

Adam didn’t argue. He followed Ronan to the car, and Ronan hurried him to the trailer factory where he worked. Adam hesitated as he got out of the car, even though he was already almost late. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and then he was gone before Ronan could ask what he was sorry for. Ronan pulled the BMW out of the parking lot. He needed to forget about all of this. Step one: drive faster than was legal or practical. Later, he would find some alcohol and drown in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I _did_ have to go and ruin it. I'm sorry, but I really didn't mean for anything to happen, or almost happen, with Ronan and Adam so quickly. It was just too easy to do that with the last chapter. Oops.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is avoiding Adam.

If Adam hadn’t been angry at Ronan before, he definitely was now. It was one thing to pretend that what had happened wasn’t bothering him. It was one thing to shut Adam out verbally. But it was another entirely to spend the entire next day avoiding him.

Ronan didn’t even attend Latin class, which Adam found extremely irritating. It always bothered him when Ronan skipped class. Here he was with all this privilege and money, attending Aglionby without sparing it a second thought, and he just went and tried to throw it away.

But this was about Ronan being upset, so Adam tried to forget his own anger. He brought Ronan’s clothes, washed in the middle of the night, to his dorm room and knocked on the door until Noah came along and opened it for him.

“Noah,” Ronan complained from his bed, “I told you not to come back until I told you to.”

Noah shrugged, and left again, but the damage was done: Adam was in the room. He held up the plastic bag with Ronan’s clothes. “I brought your clothes back,” he said. Ronan shrugged, refusing to look at him, and Adam dropped the bag on the desk chair. “Are you just going to just sit there moping all day?”

“I’m not moping,” Ronan replied.

Adam narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. As he did, his hand pressed against the new bruise on his arm. The quick flash of pain grounded him, and he pressed it again to keep his calm. “Liar,” he accused.

Ronan glared at him, and said exactly what Adam expected him to: “I never lie.”

Adam nodded. “Except to yourself.”

Ronan got up in an attempt to intimidate Adam away. “What do you want, Parrish?”

Adam wasn’t entirely sure what it was that he wanted, but he knew that it wasn’t this. He glanced away from Ronan’s stare to buy himself some time in coming up with an answer. That was when he spotted a glint of silver on Ronan’s bed. Before Ronan could stop him, Adam snatched the object from his bed. The feeling Adam got wasn’t a pleasant one. He was suddenly reminded of something that he had been denying since the first time he came to Ronan’s room: Ronan Lynch was suicidal.

Adam held up the knife like an accusation. “What is this?”

Ronan smirked. “Do you really not know?”

Adam glared at him; this was serious. “Why do you have it?”

Ronan shrugged. “It’s a free country,” he said. “I can have a knife if I want to.”

“Why was it on your bed?”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Well, you see, I woke up and it just appeared there,” he said. “Come on, Parrish. I put it there.”

“But why? Were you going to…?”

Ronan gave him a questioning look before he realized what Adam was thinking. He groaned. “Not you, too,” he complained. “First Declan tries to control everything I do, then Noah’s telling me not to drive so fast. Even Matthew’s been saying things! I thought you were different, Parrish! Can’t everyone just stop worrying about me so much?”

Adam fixed him with a level stare. “Not when you can’t even make it through the first month of school without trying to kill yourself.”

“I didn’t –” Ronan broke off and shook his head. “Why are you bringing it up now? You haven’t mentioned it before.”

“Because you’ve got a knife on your bed and you told Noah to leave you alone! What am I supposed to think, Ronan?”

“I’m not trying to fucking kill myself, Adam! You don’t have to worry about me! So just go back to your own pathetic life and stay the hell out of mine!”

Adam gripped the knife so hard that his fingers turned white. “I’m trying to care about you, asshole! Why are you trying to push me away?”

“Because I saw what happens when you get close!” Ronan burst out. He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his shaved head. “Look, I don’t want… I don’t want to… Just leave me alone! Why the hell do you care what happens to me, Adam? I’m not worth worrying about!”

Adam shook his head and put the knife back on the bed. “I don’t know what gave you that idea, but you’re wrong. And you can’t tell me what to do, Ronan. If I want to worry about you, I will.”

Ronan looked away. “You don’t need to worry,” he muttered. “I’m not going to kill myself.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “What about cutting yourself? Is that what you’re doing with that knife?”

Ronan shook his head. “It’s just a knife, Adam. I’m not going to fucking use it.”

“Why do you have it, though?” Adam pressed.

“It’s none of your business!” Ronan took the knife and flung it to the ground. It skittered under Noah’s bed and bumped the wall. He got back on his bed and glared at Adam. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”

Adam shook his head. “I still want to be your friend, Ronan. If you want, we can just… forget about yesterday. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

“I’m not upset with you,” Ronan said.

Adam nodded. “Good. And if you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t.”

Ronan gave him a dark look. “We are right now.”

Adam looked down. “Right. Sorry. Can everything just go back to normal?”

Ronan looked at him for a long time. “I think I can do normal.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan gets a tattoo and fights with Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but I got kind of stuck because I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen next. I've had this written for a while, but I don't like to post one chapter until I've at least got the next one started. I have officially started writing the next chapter.

To Ronan’s relief, Adam kept his word: they never brought up what had happened on the roof again. But that didn’t mean that Ronan forgot about it. In fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. When he couldn’t sleep, thoughts of Adam would wander into his mind, tormenting him until he did something reckless to send them away. When he was with Adam, he often found his eyes casually resting on the other boy. He tore them away, and he kept his face impartial, but it was there nonetheless. Ronan wondered if Adam hadn’t noticed, or if he was just keeping his word and not bringing it up.

Sometimes, Ronan wondered what would have happened if he’d let Adam say everything he wanted to say about it. But, then again, maybe Adam _had_ said everything he felt needed saying. It was Ronan who refused to voice his thoughts on the subject.

Ronan knew enough about what would happen, anyways. If he brought it up, if he made sure that Adam knew exactly what it was that they weren’t talking about, Ronan was sure that Adam would hate him just as much as Ronan hated himself.

Maybe that’s why Ronan got the tattoo.

When he woke up with the image burning behind his eyes, Ronan had immediately thrown on the lights and drawn it out. Noah, who Ronan suspected somehow slept even less than he did, had appeared behind him, fully awake and dressed as always. “That looks horrendous,” he’d said.

Ronan had snorted. “You’ve got to imagine it on skin. Like, on somebody’s back.”

Noah had wrinkled his nose and said, “That’s even worse.” When Declan had caught a glimpse of the design and said pretty much the same thing, Ronan knew that he had to have it on his skin.

“$900, Ronan?” Declan had demanded earlier that day, bursting into the room. “You spend $900 getting that _thing_ drawn on your back?” Ronan had taken immense pleasure in his frustration. He was not taking as much pleasure in Adam’s.

“I can’t believe you wasted so much money on something that looks so…” he trailed off.

“Looks so _what,_ Parrish?” Ronan demanded.

“Dark,” he decided. “Dangerous. Twisted.”

 _Just like me,_ Ronan thought, because that was precisely what this was. This tattoo was the physical representation of his soul. This tattoo made it clear that no one could get close to him – if they thought that the tattoo looked bad, just wait until they got a look at the inside of his head. So Ronan laughed. “Perfect,” he said.

Adam shook his head. “It just seems like such a waste.”

Ronan glared at him. “Well, it’s my fucking life, Parrish. If I want to waste it, I can. Just like you.”

Adam narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t say you were wasting your life, Lynch. I just meant your money.”

Ronan shrugged. “Aren’t they the same thing to you?”

Adam glared. “Shut up, Ronan,” he hissed. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know a lot more than you think.”

Adam’s eye twitched with the intensity of his glare. “Do you? Because I think the only thing you know is how to piss everyone else off. You don’t care about anything.”

Ronan shook his head. “You think I don’t care? You think that I don’t want to stop you every time you go back to that stupid trailer? You think that I don’t want to kick your piece-of-shit father into the ground for every time he’s ever laid his hands on you? You think that I don’t care? You’re dead wrong, Adam.”

Adam took a sharp breath, and Ronan wondered if he’d gone too far. He’d never mentioned the bruises that decorated Adam’s skin on a regular basis, or the days that he missed school, or the way that his father sometimes yelled after him when Ronan occasionally decided to pick him up or drop him off at home. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t notice. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t completely sure that he knew exactly what was going on.

“You shut your mouth, Ronan Lynch,” Adam growled. “You don’t know a damn thing.”

“Tell me I’m wrong!” Ronan demanded. “Tell me that he doesn’t hit you! Tell me that you feel safe at home! Tell me that _I’m_ the one wasting my fucking potential!”

Adam glared at him for a moment longer, and then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t talk to Ronan again until two weeks later, when he came in with another bruise on his face, and he was too tired to argue when Ronan told him to stop acting like an idiot.

Ronan dragged Adam back to his dorm room. Noah smiled, and said he’d missed him. Ronan offered to teach him to fight. Adam declined. Ronan let it go, because that seemed to be the only option that wouldn’t have Adam storming out of the room again.

They sat down and studied Latin verbs, which Ronan hadn’t done since the incident with the roof, each studying – or, in Ronan’s case, not studying – on their own. By the time Ronan drove Adam home, they had reestablished a friendship that was shaky and fragile, but was there nonetheless. Ronan swore to himself that he would never drive Adam away like that again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam is beaten by his father - I swear Ronan is in this chapter, but, like, around the edges. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who's a horrible person? Me. It's been far too long since I've figured out anything to write on this, and now what I have isn't even that great. I'm going to try and finish this in a timely fashion, though. Of course, I don't know if anyone still cares... If you do, and I fail you again, I'll reimburse you for the pitchforks.

The only time Adam ever failed anything was in elementary school. He had wanted to play outside, so he had lied to his mother and said he didn’t have any more homework. He had had a wonderful evening, but the next day, he had failed his spelling test. He hadn’t learned any of the words. He hadn’t copied them down like he was supposed to.

Adam had cried when he failed the spelling test. He had been crying when he got home. And maybe that would have been the end of it, but it just so happened that Adam’s father was home early, and he was drunk.

Robert Parrish had told his son to stop crying like a baby; he looked like a goddamn idiot. Of course, that had just made Adam cry more. Adam’s father had lifted him by the back of his shirt, breathing his sour breath right in Adam’s face. “What do you have to cry about, huh?” he had growled.

Adam had whimpered and told him about the spelling test. Robert Parrish had been in a particularly bad mood, and he had yelled at his son for being stupid and useless. He had hit the boy and told him that that should teach him to stop being such a disappointment. After that day, Adam made sure never to fail anything again.

Of course, Robert Parrish had found plenty of other things to hit him for. In fact, he really reversed his position on the subject of Adam’s grades. Adam thought about the irony that he tried so hard in school so that he wouldn’t be beaten for being a failure, and instead found himself being beaten for being a success.

“You think you’re better than me?” Adam’s father’s words echoed in his head. “You think you’re worth something just because some worthless little man with a red pen says you know some worthless shit?” Adam hadn’t answered those questions, and found himself on the floor for it.

“Are you even listening to me?” Robert Parrish demanded. “You can’t even show proper respect to your own father, and you think you’re worth something, you little shit? You think this makes you better than me?” He held up the Latin test he had snatched from Adam’s backpack when he had decided that Adam was in too good a mood. The bright red 105 stared at him from the top of the test. Adam almost didn’t stop himself from smiling at it. He wouldn’t have gotten the five bonus points – and he probably wouldn’t have managed to get all 100 regular points – if Ronan hadn’t helped him study. Ronan had gloated about that, but he had known when to stop. Adam’s father didn’t.

Before Adam could speak, the test was in pieces fluttering to the ground. Adam watched with a dazed expression and caught one of the pieces in his hand. Bits of his own handwriting stared back at him. He looked up at his father, too afraid to be angry, and too stubborn to show his fear.

“Answer me!” Robert Parrish growled, grabbing his shirt and shaking him. “You think you’re better than me, don’t you? Just because you’re going to some fancy school and getting some fancy grades? Well, I’ve got news for you Adam: you’re fucking not! You are fucking worthless, and you always will be!”

Adam closed his eyes so that he wouldn’t cry. Most of the time he could ignore the part of himself that said things like that, but now his father was saying them out loud, and he couldn’t not hear them.

“You worthless piece of shit!” Robert Parrish ranted. Adam regretting closing his eyes, because the blow that sent him back to the ground startled him. “You aren’t anything! You will never be anything!” Adam’s father kicked him between his words. Adam curled into a ball and tried not to get hit in the face. “You are going to spend the rest of your life trying to be better than me, and you just aren’t going to manage it! And do you know why? Because you’re worthless! You will never amount to anything! You aren’t even worthy of being my son, you fucking idiot! Are you so arrogant that you think you can do better than me? At least I care about my family!” If Adam had been in any more pain, he might have been stupid enough to laugh at that. “But you go running around with that other boy, ignoring your own parents! You fucking faggot! You think you’re better than me? You don’t even deserve to be alive!”

His foot stopped coming. Adam took a breath. Was this it? Was his father going to get the gun to kill him? He almost laughed at how ridiculous it would be to die over a Latin test. “Get up, you little shit. You’re bleeding on my floor.” Adam looked up. His father looked less angry now, all of his anger spent. Robert Parrish opened the fridge and got a beer. Adam struggled to his feet before his father could get angry at him for taking so long. His father gave him one last look of disgust and settled himself in front of the TV. Adam hid in his room.

Adam took careful stock of his injuries. He cleaned the cuts with the medical supplies he kept in his room for exactly this reason. There was nothing too bad, and most of the bruises were on his chest, easily hidden by a shirt. He was pretty sure that his ribs weren’t broken. The only issue he was going to have was with the cut on his cheek, and the bruise blossoming around it.

Adam sighed. He hated having to come up with excuses. They always sounded so fake to him, and, although he doubted that anyone paid enough attention to him to figure it out, he couldn’t help the fear that someone was going to call him out on it. He really didn’t want to deal with someone calling him out on it.

“Adam.”

Adam jumped, and found Noah behind him. “Noah!” He complained. “How did you get in here?”

Noah just shrugged; that boy loved to ignore questions. “Ronan wants you,” he said instead.

Adam knit his eyebrows together in surprise. “Did he say that?”

Noah laughed. “Do you want him to?”

Adam squinted at Noah. “Why are you here, Noah?”

“Ronan says we’re celebrating,” Noah replied. In spite of himself, Adam smirked. Ronan had done just as well as he had on the test, but Adam suspected that the other boy was actually celebrating the fact that Whelk had told him that if he could take off points for being a smart ass, he would.

“Where are we going?” Adam asked, all too happy to get out of here.

“Nino’s,” Noah replied, somehow making it sound both like that should have been obvious, and that he wished they were going anywhere else. “But Ronan says that I don’t have to eat if I don’t want to. I don’t want to.”

“That because Ronan doesn’t care if you starve to death,” Adam replied.

Noah gave him a strange look. “It’s too late for that.”

Adam’s expression mirrored Noah’s, with perhaps a dash of confusion thrown in for good measure. “Okay, then,” he said finally. “We’ll go to Nino’s. Just give me a minute.”

Noah nodded and slid into the hallway. Adam went out a moment later, but Noah was already gone. Adam went into the bathroom to clean some of the blood off of his fingers and his face. He decided upon looking in the mirror that he should also change his shirt – his father’s footprint on his chest was not a fashion statement he wanted to make.

A horn blared outside, and Adam decided that that must be Ronan. He hurried to escape the house without arousing his father’s suspicion. Luckily, Robert Parrish was engrossed in a fascinating display of the wasted of income of millions of Americans, now on cable TV.

Adam slid into the passenger seat beside Ronan, as Noah had already settled in the back. “Jesus Christ, Parrish,” Ronan muttered, his fingers hovering above the cut on Adam’s cheek. Adam pushed him away. Ronan glared at Noah. “Why didn’t you tell me that that shit bag had hit him again?”

Noah shrugged. “Drive,” he said, which wasn’t an answer, but Ronan didn’t object.

The car was quiet for a long time, and then Ronan said, “You should leave that place. You can… you can stay in my room. No one will notice. Just don’t go back there, Adam. Please.”

Adam was more stunned by the fact that Ronan had said “please” than by anything else he’d said. If Ronan Lynch was saying “please,” the world must be coming to an end. But Adam still had his pride. “You know I can’t do that, Ronan.”

“Can’t, or won’t?” Ronan said, his voice dangerously low.

Adam sighed. “Just drop it, okay? When I leave it will be on my terms. Not on his, not on yours. I’m not going to leave so I can sleep on your floor like a pathetic charity case.”

“You could have the bed,” Ronan grumbled. “It’s not like ever sleep, anyways.”

“Ronan,” Adam said firmly, “drop it.”

Ronan didn’t drop it. “At least let me teach you how to fight back,” he said. “I can’t take it, Adam. Seeing you like this… God, it makes me want to pound your father into the ground for ever thinking that he could do that to you. Adam –”

“I said _drop it,_ Ronan,” Adam said, his voice raising and his eyes narrowing. “It’s none of your business.”

Ronan looked at him then, and the look in his eyes told Adam that there was nothing in this world that was going to get him to stop caring about Adam. Adam was pretty sure that his own expression conveyed that he didn’t think that there was anything in this world that could get him to accept that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this even deserves a summary (it's kind of short and lame), but I just kind of jumped like a year ahead, and Adam is putting off getting out of Ronan's car. Nothing exciting here, really, but it leads into what happens next. After this, I swear this story will get interesting again.

Ronan let his eyes wander discretely to Adam. There was nothing wrong with this, he told himself. There was nothing wrong with looking at his friend with concern – because Adam was his friend, and had been for over a year now, and Ronan was concerned.

“You’re looking at me again,” Adam complained, his eyes still firmly focused on his house, just outside of the BMW. It felt like opening the door would let in a whole other world, like Ronan would lose something important if he let Adam get out of this car.

Ronan winced internally. “You’re waiting again,” he pointed out. “What are you waiting for, Adam?”

Adam shrugged. “Nothing, really.” He still didn’t move.

Ronan realized that he had asked the wrong question. It wasn’t that Adam was waiting – no, waiting would imply anticipation, even slight excitement. What Adam was doing was delaying, pushing off the inevitable beating that awaited him inside.

Because it was Halloween tomorrow, and there was toilet paper draped over the roof of his house, and there were beer bottles smashed on the driveway, and Adam had already been out far too late. Ronan did not want him to get out of this car.

Adam sighed, as if he knew what Ronan was thinking and was tired of hearing it. Or maybe like he knew he couldn’t sit in Ronan’s car forever, even though Ronan would gladly let him. Adam reached for the door handle.

Ronan panicked. He grabbed Adam’s hand, which went against every rule he had set up for himself. And then he said something that went against everything he told himself he was allowed to think about: “Go out with me.”

“W-what?” Adam said, his eyes wide and stunned.

Ronan kind of wished that he hadn’t said anything. But then he thought about how there was a world of pain and suffering waiting for Adam, just outside of this car. And Ronan would say absolutely anything to keep him in this world – breathing the same air as Ronan, sitting so close to him, and now touching his hand – for just a little bit longer.

Ronan swallowed his nerves and attempted a confident grin. “Come on, Parrish. I know you aren’t deaf.”

Adam took in a single breath and let it out. “Ronan, I don’t… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

And Ronan was burning, because Adam hadn’t said no, but he hadn’t said yes, either, and Ronan couldn’t even figure out how it was that he wanted Adam to say that three-letter word so badly. “Adam,” he said, his voice quiet, and as close to pleading as he would let himself get, “one date.” He noticed that Adam’s breath caught on the word “date,” and Ronan had to admit that his own chest felt tight with it. “If it’s really weird and awkward and you hate it, I won’t bother you about it again. Just give it a chance, okay?”

Adam bit his lip and considered. He was quiet for a long time, and Ronan tried to tell himself that even if Adam said no, it would be worth it for the fact that he was here for this long, rather than in that place he called home.

Adam sighed finally. “Okay,” he said, and Ronan thought that that was the most beautiful word he had ever heard.

“Really?” The word slipped out before Ronan could stop it. He cleared his throat and reassembled his indifferent façade. “I mean, great. How about tomorrow night?”

Adam smiled, looking a little amused. “Are you really so impatient?”

Ronan snorted. “Do you even know me at all?”

Adam shrugged. He opened the door before Ronan could stop him. Ronan wasn’t sure that he had anything else to delay Adam’s departure with, anyways. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam go on a date at Nino's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the quality of my writing is really going down, so... sorry. Also, I'm sorry for the things I did in this chapter.

Adam was pretty sure that this was the worst first date in the history of the planet. He was also sure that that was entirely his fault.

“You could have just said no,” Ronan grumbled, glaring at the table.

Adam looked at him quietly. The thing was, he hadn’t wanted to say no. He had wanted to do this, in spite of the fact that it would give his father more reasons to hit him, and in spite of the fact that it might very well ruin his friendship with Ronan.

“I want to be here,” Adam said. He reached over to put his hand on top of Ronan’s, but he changed his mind at the last second. Ronan just stared sullenly at the place Adam had almost touched him.

“You’re always telling me not to pity you,” Ronan said slowly. “So why are you pitying me? If you don’t want to date me, Parrish, just say so. I’ll get over it. Just don’t fucking sit there and pretend that you want to be here when you don’t.”

Adam licked his lips. “But I do,” he insisted. “I said yes, and I meant it. If I didn’t want to be here, I would leave.”

“Whatever,” Ronan mumbled under his breath, going back to glaring at the table.

Adam watched Ronan for a minute before his gaze flicked away again. Ronan sighed loudly. “Oh, for fuck’s sake –” He gestured wildly to get the attention of the waitress.

“What are you doing?” Adam hissed.

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Giving you what you really want,” he replied.

The short waitress with the spiky ponytail made her way slowly to their table. Adam tried desperately to come up with a way to politely tell her to go away. “What can I get you?” she asked.

“You can give my friend your number,” Ronan said. His voice didn’t hold a trace of hurt in it, and Adam wished that that was true. “Because he’s totally into you, in spite of your weird attempt at dressing as a rebel-pixie.”

“Ronan!” Adam exclaimed. He turned to the waitress. “I am so sorry. You don’t need to give me your number.”

“Oh, really?” she replied sarcastically. “Because, you know, I thought that I was required by law to give my number to any asshole who got his friend to insult me for him.”

Adam took a breath. “I’m very sorry, miss.”

Ronan snorted. “I’m not.”

Adam shot him a glare, but before he could apologize on Ronan’s behalf, the waitress spoke again in an icy tone. “You know what? I don’t really care if you’re sorry. Now, I’m not going to make a scene here, because this is my place of work, but I’m going to kindly suggest that you pay for your meal and leave.” And with that, she spun around and stomped away. Adam was a little impressed by how much anger could be contained in such a small person.

“Nice,” Adam commented to Ronan.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Ronan mocked, “did I ruin your chances with the midget waitress?”

Adam sighed. “Let’s just go,” he said.

Ronan crossed his arms. “No. We haven’t gotten our food yet.”

Adam laughed. “Seriously? After that, I’m pretty sure our food isn’t going to make it over here without her spit in it.”

Ronan shrugged stubbornly. “I’m not leaving.”

Adam sighed and got to his feet. “Fine.”

Ronan looked at him strangely. “Are you leaving?” he asked in disbelief.

Adam shook his head. “No, I’m going to apologize again, and hopefully we can avoid having our food spit in.”

“Oh,” Ronan said, looking down at the table. “Okay.”

Adam made his way carefully to the back of the restaurant, looking for the girl with the spiky ponytail. When she saw him, she made a face. "What do _you_ want?” she said.

“Listen,” he said, holding up his hands in a placating gesture, “I just want to say I’m sorry, okay?”

She snorted. “Like I said, I don’t care.”

“No offense, ma’am,” he said, “but I don’t believe that. No one likes being spoken to that way, and I just want to apologize again.”

The waitress sized him up carefully. “It wasn’t you that said it,” she replied finally.

Adam nodded. “Right, but it was my fault. You see, this… this was supposed to be a date. And, well, I kept looking at you.”

“Oh,” she said, startled. _“Oh.”_ Her cheeks turned pink. She frowned to dispel the coloring. “That’s not supposed to be some sort of pickup line, is it? Like, ‘I was on a date, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off you?’”

Adam laughed. “What a horrible way of getting a date. No, believe me: I’m on a date with Ronan. Which, clearly, isn’t going well. And, honestly, even if I wasn’t on a date right now, I just have this feeling that we wouldn’t be right for each other. Nothing about you, really. I just have this feeling that we’d be better as friends.”

“Why were you looking at me, then?”

Adam shrugged. “I’ve just got this feeling that I know you from somewhere. Or, maybe, I’m _supposed_ to know you.”

“That’s an interesting idea. Actually, believe it or not, I think I have the same feeling.” She smiled slightly. “I’m Blue.”

“Adam.” He held out a hand for her to shake.

Blue nodded slowly. “Adam,” she repeated, as if testing how it felt to say his name. Strangely enough, her voice saying his name sounded very familiar to Adam. “My shift ends in half an hour; I’ll stop by to say good night.”

Adam nodded. “That sounds good. Thanks. And, please, don’t spit in our food.”

Blue smiled. “I won’t spit in your food,” she promised.

“Ronan's, either,” he said. “Please.”

“Okay,” Blue agreed. “He gets _one_ free pass. Next time, he won’t be so lucky.”

Adam laughed. “Thank you. And, again, I’m really sorry.”

Blue waved it off. “Get back to your date, Adam. I’ve got to get back to work.”

Adam nodded, and returned to his table. Ronan was scowling at the salt-shaker. When Adam sat down, Ronan looked up at him. “This is no longer a date,” he announced.

Adam swallowed his disappointment. He knew that calling off the dating aspect of the evening was probably the best option right now. “Okay,” he said in a small voice. “But… could we maybe try again sometime?”

Ronan shrugged. Adam had to make do with the fact that it wasn’t a no.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is trying to be patient, believe it or not. The author of this story is very cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this done before Saturday ended, but, then, distractions...
> 
> And, okay, the ending of the chapter kind of sucks, but I didn't know what else to write for Ronan's perspective, so...

Ronan was pretty sure that Adam did not want to go out with him again. In fact, he was almost 100% sure that Adam had only asked if they could try it again because he hadn’t wanted Ronan to feel bad. He hadn’t asked for an actual time to set it up for, and he certainly hadn’t pushed for Ronan to give an answer. Adam was probably relieved that Ronan had called off the whole dating thing.

And Ronan should have known better, anyways. He should have known not to ask Adam on a date. He should have known that nothing good could have come from it.

Well, maybe something good had come from it for _Adam._ After all, they wouldn’t have met Blue Sargent if they hadn’t gone on that date. And Adam seemed quite glad that they had met Blue Sargent. In fact, he had invited her _here,_ to _Ronan’s_ dorm room, as a _regular_ occurrence. And Ronan couldn’t do a damn thing about it other than pretend that it didn’t matter.

“Sargent,” he greeted, bracing his hands on either side of the door to block her way in. They’d gotten together, the four of them, a few times since they’d met. Somehow, Blue had acclimated herself rapidly to his abrasive nature, and she simply ducked under his arms to get into the room. Ronan scowled and closed the door. _Damn short people._

“Hello, Noah,” Blue said as she straightened up. “Adam.”

“Blue!” Noah exclaimed happily. The traitor had become enamored with Blue immediately, and he grinned at her adoringly. It pissed Ronan off to no end that he was the only one who didn’t seem to be in love with her.

Noah patted the bed beside him for her to sit. Blue obliged, and Noah began smoothing her hair. Blue hissed as his fingers brushed against the back of her neck. “Your hands are always so cold, Noah!” she complained, taking one of his hands and rubbing it between her own.

Noah looked mournfully at the hand sandwich. “It won’t help,” he said in his quiet Noah voice – the kind of voice that no one but Noah had, that seemed simultaneously like it was breaking some sort of rule by being heard, and like it was slowly fading away. “They never get any warmer.”

Blue sighed and dropped his hands. She looked across the room to Ronan’s bed. “You’re awfully quiet today, Adam,” she commented. “What’s going on?”

Ronan slid his eyes towards Adam, who sat hugging his knees on Ronan bed. He had been sitting like that since he’d shown up while Ronan was at the bathroom. He shrugged, which was more than he’d moved in the last hour.

Ronan smirked. “Knowing Parrish, he’s probably still sulking about getting a 99 on that History test.”

Noah laughed delightedly. “Oh, Ronan,” he wailed in mocking, “I _knew_ that answer was B! Why, oh why, did I circle C?”

Blue laughed in a way that one could only laugh at their closest friends, and Ronan was suddenly hit with a wave of jealousy. Then he looked at Adam.

The skin around Adam’s eyes had crinkled up so that Ronan could tell he was smiling, but there was sadness there, too. He looked troubled. Ronan got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Ronan cleared his throat and pulled out his keys, tossing them to Noah. “Why don’t you and Blue go get some pizza?” As an afterthought, he took out his wallet and tossed it at Noah. Blue looked offended. “What?” Ronan snarled at her. “Noah never fucking eats the pizza, and you probably don’t have enough money to pay for a single slice. We’re all eating it, so I’m paying. No arguments.”

Blue narrowed her eyes. “I don’t need anyone to pay for me,” she said.

“I said no fucking arguments, Sargent,” he replied in exasperation. “You don’t have to fucking eat the pizza if you don’t want to! I’m just asking you to go get it!”

Blue glanced at Adam, who still hadn’t moved, and slid off the bed without another word. She still crossed her arms and glared at Ronan, though. “Do you even know how to drive?” she asked Noah.

Noah shrugged. “I got my license,” he said. “At one point.”

Ronan glared at him. “You’d better not break my car.”

Noah squeaked and nodded. He scurried to the door, with Blue trailing behind. After the door closed behind them, Ronan locked it and sat on the bed with Adam. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly. It surprised him how different his voice sounded now that they were alone.

Adam shrugged. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, not taking his face away from his knees. The bad feeling in Ronan’s stomach grew.

“Did he hit you again?” Ronan asked, his voice almost a whisper. Adam closed his eyes and didn’t answer.

Ronan squeezed his eyes shut with regret for a fraction of a second. Then he gently removed Adam’s arms from around his knees, and carefully tilted his head up so that he could see the damage. He had about two seconds to wonder when he had started being gentle and careful before his brain processed the bruise on Adam’s jaw, and the anger took over.

“Fuck,” he swore, getting to his feet. “I can’t fucking believe this! You don’t fucking deserve this! I fucking hate him! That bastard has no right – What?” Adam was looking at him strangely.

“You’re not yelling at me,” he stated.

Ronan frowned. “Well, no. His hitting you isn’t your fault. Maybe you could have left before now, but… I know you don’t feel ready to do that. I guess pressuring you could only make it harder to leave when you’re ready. I don’t want you to stay any longer than you… need to.” The words became true as he said them, because Ronan hadn’t really thought it all out before. Adam wasn’t going to leave just because Ronan asked him to – especially not because Ronan asked him to. He needed time to find the courage on his own.

Adam looked at him with awe. “No one’s ever gotten mad _for_ me before,” he said. “ _At_ me, maybe, but not _for_ me.”

Ronan smirked. “Well, then, Parrish, you need to keep better company. Because I am fucking pissed.”

Adam smiled at him, and, just for a second, Ronan felt like everything might be okay.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam has a discussion with Blue.

“So, what’s going on with you and Ronan?”

Adam glanced up as Blue slid into the booth across from him. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

Blue dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. “I’m on break.”

“Most waitresses would take their breaks far away from where the customers can see them,” Adam pointed out.

“Stop avoiding the question, Adam,” Blue said.

Adam shrugged. “Thanks for letting me do my homework here,” he mumbled. He didn’t want to go home, and he was avoiding spending too much time in Ronan’s room, especially alone, after their failed date. He got the feeling that Ronan wouldn’t want to be alone with him. Even after Ronan had comforted him last week, Adam still got the feeling that things weren’t okay between them.

“I can’t control what you do while you’re here,” Blue said, and it sounded so much like something that Ronan would say that it made Adam sad. Also, while that was true, they both knew that Adam was really thanking her for not throwing him out, as he’d been there two hours, and hadn’t ordered a single thing she could charge him for. He was barely going to have enough to tip with, anyways.

Adam looked down at his homework and scratched out the answer for number 14 – it didn’t make any sense for that integral to be so large.

Blue forced his hand down to the table. “Adam, talk to me,” she said. She sounded concerned. “What’s going on? I mean, you guys were on a date when I first met you. What happened to that? You hardly act like you’re friends anymore.”

Adam sighed and looked up at her. “I think he’s still mad at me.”

Blue squeezed his hand. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I think you’re just scared.”

Adam snorted. “Scared? Of what?”

Blue glared at him to remind him that this was no laughing matter. “You’re scared that you’re going to ask him out again, and he’ll say no – which would make him an even bigger idiot than he already is. Honestly, have you seen the way he looks at you?”

Adam shook his head, but it gave him some pleasure to know that Blue thought that Ronan looked at him like that. “I don’t know, Blue. I think that maybe it would be better if we just stayed friends.”

Blue gave him a hard look. “That’s just the fear talking. That’s you being afraid that the next date is going to be a big disaster, and it will ruin everything.”

“It’s not an unreasonable fear,” Adam grumbled.

“You want this, don’t you, Adam?” Blue asked.

He looked up at her and nodded slowly. “Y-yeah. I do. I just don’t know if it would be the best idea. I could hurt him, or – or…”

“He could hurt you,” Blue finished for him. “Look, Adam, there are going to be risks in any relationship. There’s always the chance that things won’t work out –”

“Great pep talk,” Adam mumbled.

Blue narrowed her eyes. “But if you never take the chance that things could work out, you’re going to end up all alone for the rest of your life. This thing with Ronan could be really good. But you’ll never know if you never give it a chance.”

Adam looked at her for a long time. He could feel how sad his eyes looked, or maybe he could tell from the way Blue was looking at him. “I don’t know if I can,” he said. “It’s a big risk.”

Blue nodded. “And a big reward. It’s going to drive you crazy wondering.”

Adam sighed. “I know.”

Blue nodded again, because she could tell that Adam had already realized that. She hesitated, clearly trying not to pressure him, which was pointless because Adam was already pressuring himself. Finally, she spoke. “Just think about it.”

Adam just looked at her, because he had thought that that was a given.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan skips Latin. He has a pretty good reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm sorry if this chapter seems to end rather abruptly, but it was starting to get far too long, and that seemed like the best place to split it. Stuff going to start happening, guys. So we'll see how bad I am at writing dramatic things.

Ronan was begrudgingly getting used to the feeling of constantly wishing he was alone, while simultaneously feeling lonely. The two emotions weren’t really so disconnected, when you thought about it. Ronan wanted to be alone so that he could go through his thoughts undisturbed by observations – mostly Noah’s – that he was moping. And his thoughts mostly concerned how much he wished he could…

Ronan wasn’t sure what he was wishing for. He just knew that it involved Adam. He wanted to be dating Adam. Or he wanted things to go back to the way they were. Or he wanted to be alone with Adam. Or he wanted to start over with Adam. Or he wanted to _start over_ with Adam. He wasn’t sure what he would do differently, though. He didn’t know what he would be _brave enough_ to do differently.

“Parrish,” Ronan greeted his _(friend? more-than-friend?)_ friend easily; he’d had a lot of practice. “How was Latin today?” He grinned from his place on the bed, not getting up to show just how much he didn’t care that Adam had just burst into his room uninvited.

Adam glared at him. “You didn’t show up,” he accused.

Ronan shrugged like he didn’t care. His heart thrilled at the confirmation that Adam had noticed his absence. “And? How was the class?”

Adam sighed and sat in the desk chair. _Too close; not close enough._ Ronan didn’t move, because he didn’t know which direction to move in.

“Talk to me, Ronan,” Adam said. “Why didn’t you go to Latin?”

Ronan snorted. His heart was racing. “What are you, my mother? Did Declan send you to interrogate me?”

Adam leveled him with a calm stare. “No,” he said slowly. “I’m asking because _I_ want to know. You never miss Latin, Ronan. What happened?”

Ronan shrugged again. “I didn’t feel like going,” he said simply.

Adam frowned. “But _why?_ Is it… is it because of me?”

Ronan heard himself laugh bitterly. “Because of you,” he repeated. “You seem to think pretty highly of yourself, Adam.”

Adam ignored that, keeping his calm. “Tell me the truth, Ronan. Why didn’t you come to Latin? Seriously, is it because of something I did? Talk to me, Ronan. Please.”

Ronan shook his head. “I don’t need to give you a reason, Parrish.”

Adam sighed and slid forward a little on his seat, sending a challenge directly into Ronan’s eyes. “You don’t _need_ to,” he agreed, “but I wish you would.”

“It’s not because of you,” Ronan said slowly. “Actually, you’re the only reason I considered showing up at all.”

Adam’s breath caught. A moment of silence followed, where both of them refused to break eye contact. “Why didn’t you, then?” he repeated his question quietly. “Please talk to me, Ronan. Please.”

Ronan was quiet for a minute, and Adam got a little bit closer. Ronan wasn’t even sure that Adam was aware of his movement. It was all Ronan could think about right now. He imagined that, if Adam got any closer, he would be able to feel his breath.

Ronan licked his lips nervously. He leaned a little closer, taking pleasure in the way that Adam’s breathing stopped for a moment before continuing erratically – if they weren’t going to work, at least Ronan could make Adam a little uncomfortable every once in a while. Ronan grinned maliciously. “I was busy,” he whispered.

Adam blinked in surprise as Ronan drew back, and then his expression became angry. “What?” he demanded. “Doing what?”

At that moment, a tiny screeching came from the other side of the room. Ronan smiled and climbed off the bed, making him way over to the source of the noise. He could feel Adam watching him as he scooped up the small creature and offered her some food. He turned back to Adam, who was looking at him with an expression that was part disbelief, part resignation.

“Why do you have a bird?” he asked tiredly.

Ronan felt his smile sharpening. “I found her,” he replied. “Her name is Chainsaw.”

Adam’s laugh was surprisingly pleasant. “Only you would find an innocent baby bird and decide to name it Chainsaw.” His voice was something like the opposite of cruel.

“Her, not it,” Ronan amended. His voice was not cruel, either.

Adam stepped closer to get a better look at the bird. “A raven?” he asked.

Ronan grinned at the recognition. “Do you want to hold her?”

Adam looked slightly startled at the offer, like Ronan had asked if Adam wanted to hold his soul. Ronan supposed that, in a way, he kind of had. But Adam didn’t know that.

Adam took another step closer, his hands cupped to take the small creature from Ronan. This time, it was Ronan whose breath caught. Adam looked up and their eyes locked. Adam took another step forward. _Too close; not close enough._ Adam moved a little closer. Ronan closed his eyes. And then –

The door burst open. Adam jumped back from Ronan, and Ronan’s eyes flew open. “Fucking hell,” he complained. “Sargent! Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?”

Blue’s eyes were wide and wild. “Is Noah here?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is looking for Noah. Follows directly after the last chapter.

Adam stared at Blue in disbelief. What was she doing here? Why was she looking for Noah? Ronan narrowed his eyes at Blue, because, clearly, Noah was not here. “Yes,” he said sarcastically. “He’s hiding under the bed.”

Blue, to Adam’s surprise, actually checked under both beds. Then she straightened and glared at both boys. “Did you know?” she demanded. She looked especially hard at Ronan, which meant that she quickly noticed Chainsaw. “Why do you have a bird?”

Ronan simply grinned in response. Blue sighed. “Never mind about the bird. Did you know?”

Ronan arched an eyebrow. Beside him, Adam asked, “Did we know what?”

“Did you _know?”_ she hissed. When both boys stared at her, she further clarified, “About Noah. Did you know about Noah?”

Ronan frowned. “What about Noah? That he’s a fucking recluse?”

“Blue? What’s going on?” Adam asked. His voice was calm. Inside, he was seriously confused.

“We went for a walk in the woods today,” Blue said. Adam gave her a weird look – what was she doing going for walks with Noah? Was she dating him, just like that? After all the trouble that Adam had gone through with Ronan, he found it hard to believe that it could be that simple.

Blue scowled at him. “Don’t look at me like that,” she growled. “He said he needed to show me something. He said I was supposed to find it, only I didn’t have anyone to look with, whatever that means.”

“What are you talking about, Blue?” Adam asked gently.

Blue shook her head in disbelief. “You won’t believe me,” she said. “You won’t believe it if I tell you.”

Ronan smirked. “You’d be surprised by what I believe.”

Blue sighed. “We – we found a body. And then… and then Noah just up and disappeared.”

Adam drew in a breath, and Ronan stifled a laugh. “Are you telling us that you lost Noah in the woods?”

Blue shook her head, tears threatening to escape her eyes. “He’s not lost,” she whispered. “Well, I guess, in a way, he is. But – he must be here. Noah! Noah!”

Adam and Ronan exchanged a look. Adam wondered if Blue had actually lost her mind. “Blue,” he said, his voice strained. “Maybe you should sit down.”

“No! I need to talk to Noah! I need to know he’s not gone for good, and I – I just…” She broke down in sobs.

Adam looked to Ronan for advice, but Ronan just shrugged. Adam sighed and walked over to Blue, trying to calm her down. Ronan turned around to place Chainsaw back in her makeshift nest. When he turned back around, he yelled out in surprise.

“Hi,” Noah said quietly from his pose on his bed. Blue and Adam both jumped and turned to face him.

“But – you weren’t here before,” Adam said.

Blue flew onto the bed and hugged Noah. “You just disappeared on me!” she complained. “I thought that maybe you weren’t coming back!”

“I’m sorry,” Noah said, petting her hair. “I didn’t know how to answer the questions you would have.”

“You left me alone in the woods with your dead body!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. _What?”_ Ronan said. Adam was effectively startled.

Blue looked at them. “Noah’s a… a ghost,” she informed them.

Ronan snorted. “Are you two pulling some sort of twisted prank right now? Come on, seriously.”

Blue shook her head. Noah fixed them with a sad stare. “I told you,” he said. “I told you so many times.”

Adam blinked. “Are you serious? You’re _actually_ a ghost?”

Noah nodded. “I don’t go to any classes. I’m not actually a student here. Ronan, Declan never told the administration to give you a roommate. As far as they know, you’re still in here alone. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. I doubt that any of you even know my last name.” Adam didn’t know what to think. He didn’t have any classes with Noah, but was that really so strange? And… Noah’s last name – he must have known it, surely. It must have come up at some point, right? But it hadn’t.

“Czerny,” Blue said quietly. “It was on your driver’s license.”

Noah nodded sadly. “Yeah. Czerny.” He sighed heavily. Adam found himself wondering if ghosts needed to breathe.

“Czerny,” Ronan repeated. He didn’t sound like he’d known it before, either. “Your name is Czerny.”

Noah winced. “Don’t call me that,” he said. “I’m not that person anymore.”

“Noah,” Blue said quietly. “Who killed you? And why did you lead me to your body?”

Noah shook his head. “I didn’t lead you,” he said. “I just told you that you needed to look.”

“Why?” Blue repeated. “Did you want your murderer caught?”

“No,” Noah said forcefully. “That’s not why! It’s just – this is all too _normal!”_

“Normal,” Ronan repeated. “You’re a fucking ghost, man. I’m rooming with a fucking ghost. This isn’t normal.”

Noah shrugged. “I… he’s supposed to be here by now!” he complained.

“Who, Noah?” Blue prompted gently. “Are you talking about whoever killed you? Why do you want him here?”

Noah shook his head vigorously. “No! I don’t want to talk about that! I’m talking about _him._ He’s supposed to be here. You’re supposed to be looking _with_ him. He’s supposed to be looking _here._ We’re all supposed to be looking together, the five of us. _It’s what’s supposed to happen!”_

Adam and Blue exchanged a glance, pondering the feeling they’d both had that they were supposed to know each other. “If it’s supposed to happen,” Adam said, “then why isn’t it? Noah, maybe we just need to wait a little longer.”

Noah shook his head. “It’s been too long now! He’s not finding us! He overlooked us! He’s not coming! We have to get his attention! Otherwise… bad things will happen.”

“Bad things,” Adam repeated. “Like what?”

Ronan shook his head. “Like your murderer finding us? Who killed you, Noah?” But Noah just shook his head and disappeared.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things that happen after they find out that Noah is a ghost. ;)
> 
> It's a very... _quiet_ chapter - not a lot really happens - but the ending is cute. At least in my opinion...

It was late when Ronan settled into the BMW with Adam and Blue. It was even later when he dropped Blue off at her house – almost 1 in the morning. Adam and Blue had both called home hours earlier to inform their parents that they would be home late: Blue had given a brief synopsis of the situation and promised to explain in more detail later; Adam had said that he had to work late at the garage.

After Blue got out of the car, Ronan just sat in her driveway for a while. He mused about the peculiarity of her house. 300 Fox Way looked like a residence that held a lot of secrets – Ronan knew what that looked like. He wondered if Adam had been here before, because he didn’t look very surprised.

He thought about how Blue had explained a little more about her family’s psychic business, which she had been reluctant to talk about before. He thought about how Blue had said that she was like a battery, and he thought about how Noah still hadn’t reappeared.

Finally, Adam cleared his throat. “Are we going to go?”

Finally, Ronan looked at him. “I don’t want to take you home,” he said quietly, hating himself for saying it. He knew it was a lot to ask of Adam, but he also knew that he had found out that one of his best friends was dead today – had been dead ever since he’d known him. He knew that he didn’t want to let Adam out of his sight, lest he become a ghost as well.

Adam met his gaze and hesitated for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was almost inaudible: “Then don’t.”

Ronan’s breath caught. “Are you…” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to ask the question. “Are you sure?”

Adam didn’t hesitate this time, but nodded, and reached over to place his hand on Ronan’s. Ronan closed his eyes to savor the feeling. “It’s fine,” Adam said, almost confidently. “He won’t notice. I can go home in the morning.”

Ronan let out a breath of relief and opened his eyes. He pulled the BMW out of Blue’s driveway. “Thanks, Parrish,” he said.

Adam laughed, and Ronan shot him a look. “Sorry,” he said. “I just didn’t think you’d actually _thank_ me.”

Ronan gave him another brief look between watching the road. “Adam,” he said quietly, “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Adam swallowed. “You aren’t going to lose me,” he said, his voice low and not quite certain.

“Maybe not tonight,” he said. “And maybe not this week, this month, this year – whenever. But there aren’t any guarantees. Adam, you know that, don’t you? I mean, I’m not going to pressure you here, because I don’t want to fight about this right now, but… Well, you’ll never be safe living under that roof.”

Adam was quiet for a minute. “I know,” he said eventually. “I know. I just can’t, Ronan. I have to get _myself_ out, or it doesn’t count, okay? I can’t just…” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Ronan felt laughter fall out of him, in spite of the knot of in his chest. Or possibly because of it – Ronan had never been able to deal with these things in the proper ways. “I never thought that I would see that day that Adam Parrish would actually _apologize,”_ he said.

“Well, I never thought that Ronan Lynch would have this discussion without yelling,” Adam countered.

Ronan sighed. “Yeah, well, tonight is full of surprises,” he said.

They were quiet until Ronan pulled into the Aglionby parking lot. Ronan turned off the car and got out. He opened Adam’s door, and Adam just stared at him. “What are we doing, Ronan?”

Ronan’s chest felt tight. He knew exactly what Adam meant, but he didn’t know how to answer. Or maybe he thought that _he_ should be the one asking that question. As far as he was concerned, it had always been up to Adam. So, instead, he said, “We’re going into that building –” he pointed at the dorm – “and maybe we’ll talk a little bit, and then we’ll go to sleep.” He paused. “You can sleep on Noah’s bed,” he added reluctantly.

“What if he comes back?” Adam asked. He still hadn’t gotten out of the car.

Ronan shrugged. “He’s a ghost. He doesn’t sleep.”

Adam nodded, almost to himself. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.” He got out of the car.

Ronan let out a breath of relief – he hadn’t been sure that Adam wouldn’t change his mind and ask him to drive to the trailer park.

They made the trek from the car to Ronan’s room in silence, stepping lightly and watching for other boys. It almost felt like they were doing something wrong and didn’t want to get caught. Ronan tried to remind himself that they weren’t doing anything wrong. Nothing at all. The only person who might disagree was Adam’s father, and Ronan didn’t care much for his opinion.

Still, it was a relief when they got into the dorm room and locked the door. It felt safer in there, which was odd, considering that this was currently the most likely place for a ghost to show up. Adam sat down on Noah’s bed, facing Ronan. “What now?”

Ronan pretended that he didn’t care that Adam was here, and threw his shirt and jeans onto the floor. But he did care that Adam was here, and so he pulled a pair of sweatpants and a new shirt out of his drawer and put them on. As an afterthought, he tossed an extra set of clothes to Adam. “Now,” he said, “we go to sleep.”

Adam looked at the clothing in his lap critically. “You just like me wearing your clothes, don’t you?”

Ronan shrugged, turning away. “If you want to sleep in your school uniform, be my guest.”

Adam looked down at himself, and said, “Definitely not.” He glanced at the door. “If I go to the bathroom, you’ll let me back in, won’t you?”

Ronan grinned evilly. “And what if I don’t?”

Adam fixed Ronan with a calm glare, and said, “Then I’ll walk home.”

Ronan’s smile fell away. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’ll let you back in.”

Adam nodded slowly, and got up to change in the bathroom. While he was gone, Ronan fed Chainsaw. He knew that she would need to be fed several times during the night. Ronan never slept much anyways, but Adam…

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But Ronan couldn’t stand the thought of ridding the room of either one of them. The two creatures that Ronan cared for most. (It was okay to think that, because Adam wasn’t in the room.)

When Adam came back, he quietly folded his clothes and quietly placed them on Noah’s desk. Then he quietly climbed onto Noah’s bed and quietly closed his eyes. Ronan quietly turned off the lights and laid down on his own bed.

What followed was several minutes during which both boys knew that the other was not yet asleep, and both wanted to say something before they went to sleep, but neither knew what to say. Then Ronan lost his resolve and opened his eyes to find Adam staring back.

“It’s kind of creepy to sleep in a ghost’s bed,” Adam said, probably just for something to say.

Ronan laughed, kind of just so that he gave a response. Then, he said something that was definitely a bad idea. The worst possible idea he had ever had. The absolute last thing he should say: “You could sleep here, if you want.”

Ronan heard Adam stop breathing for a moment. “I –”

“Only if you want to,” Ronan emphasized quickly. “I don’t mind.”

Adam sat up. _Holy shit. Is this actually happening?_ “Yeah,” he said. “Okay.”

Adam crossed the room quickly, as if trying to move faster than he could talk himself out of it. Ronan slid back against the wall to allow Adam more room. Adam lowered himself delicately onto the bed. He was facing Ronan. Ronan wished that he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure he could stop the thoughts he was having right now.

“Is this okay?” Adam whispered.

Ronan closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, Parrish,” he said. “This is okay.” It felt like the most truthful thing he’d ever said.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam wakes up in the middle of the night.

Adam woke up to the sound of horrendous screaming, and the feeling of blood soaking into his shirt. For a minute, he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He was convinced that his father had somehow found out where he was, somehow gotten inside, and somehow managed to injure him already.

Then Adam realized that he wasn’t in pain.

After that, he regained the ability to think rather quickly. The screaming – no, screeching – had to be Ronan’s bird. Adam figured that out first, because the blood – Adam didn’t want to think it – had to be Ronan’s.

Adam couldn’t put it off anymore. He had to know what was going on.

He stumbled to his feet, refusing to look at Ronan. He was afraid that it would look worse in the dark, or maybe that it would look better. He found the light switch and turned it on. His eyes immediately went to Ronan.

Ronan was struggling to move, as if he was locked in his own body. His fingers flailed against the bed and finally found purchase. He pushed himself into a sitting position. He didn’t look at Adam as he dragged himself off the bed and over to his raven. He stroked her head gently, calming her down, and fed her some more of that disgusting food-like stuff.

Adam crossed his arms, trying not to think about the blood on his shirt – it wasn’t a lot, but it wasn’t exactly a little, either – and waited for Ronan to look at him. Ronan must have known that, because it was several minutes before he replaced Chainsaw and turned around. Sitting on the floor, he looked very small. His eyes seemed to ask Adam not to ask. Adam exploded.

“What the _fuck,_ Ronan? What did you _do?_ What the hell? How could you –? Why would you –? Just… _why?”_

Ronan looked at the floor. “I had a nightmare,” he said. His voice wasn’t as sharp as Adam had expected, and he was struck with the conflicting desires to comfort Ronan, and to demand to know what that had to do with anything. He decided to go with demanding.

“So you wake up and cut yourself?” Adam questioned. “You said you didn’t fucking do that! I thought you didn’t lie!”

Ronan looked up at him, and his eyes still pleaded for Adam to let it go. “I don’t,” he said. “I woke up with it.”

Adam frowned skeptically. “How so?”

Ronan looked away. “I could have cut my arm on… on the bedframe or something.” It certainly seemed possible, now that Adam was a little calmer and could see the ragged arc that probably couldn’t have been the work of a knife. But it sounded like there was something Ronan was leaving out.

Adam sighed and sat on the floor beside him. “Does it hurt?” he asked, finally deciding to drop it. Whatever was going on, Ronan wasn’t ready to tell him. Ronan held his arm out for Adam to examine. “Shit,” he swore. “That looks bad. What did you cut it on again?”

Irritation crossed Ronan’s face for a moment, and Adam knew that he should have _actually_ dropped it. “I don’t fucking know, Parrish. I was fucking _asleep._ I woke up with it like this, remember?”

“Right,” Adam mumbled. “Sorry.” He pulled off his shirt to press against the wound, since it had blood on it already. His pants – Ronan’s pants, he remembered suddenly – were loose, and Ronan stared at where the waistband rested below the top of his boxers.

Adam pulled the now-bloodier shirt away and examined the cut once more. It wasn’t actually as bad as it had looked before. Sure, it had bled a lot, but it didn’t hit any major blood vessels, and it had stopped now. It didn’t look too deep, either. Although, it wasn’t exactly shallow.

“Do you think you need stitches?” Adam asked.

Ronan shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Adam met his eyes to glare at him, because they both knew that Ronan had had _much_ worse. Adam did not appreciate the reminder, especially when he had just thought that Ronan had cut himself. Especially when he still wasn’t completely convinced that Ronan _hadn’t_ done it on purpose.

“Do you at least have any Band-Aids?” Adam asked.

Ronan nodded to the closet. Neither of them moved. Adam slowly realized that their knees were touching. He swallowed nervously, watching Ronan watch him. Carefully, he got to his feet to investigate the closet. He could feel Ronan’s eyes follow him. Resisting the urge to turn around, Adam carefully searched the closet until he found the first aid kit. It was a lot more comprehensive than Adam had expected.

“You get injured a lot?” Adam questioned.

Ronan met his eyes. “Adam,” he said, “stop worrying.”

Adam sighed and sat down again. “Maybe I could if you gave me some sort of explanation.”

Ronan shrugged. He was no longer meeting Adam’s eyes. “Not the first time I’ve woken up bleeding,” he mumbled.

Adam drew in a breath. “Do you have a lot of nightmares?” he asked, wrapping Ronan’s arm with gauze and medical tape.

Ronan smirked, but his eyes looked sad. “Only when I sleep,” he replied.

“I’m sorry,” Adam said. “I know what it’s like to be terrified to do the things you have to do.”

“Like going home?” Ronan asked. Adam didn’t reply. “You don’t have to, you know. You could stay here. I wouldn’t mind.”

“Ronan,” Adam said, “don’t.”

Ronan sighed. “I know. I just… I wish you could be safe. Every time you leave, I never know if I’m going to see you again.”

Adam closed his eyes. “I know,” he said quietly. Sometimes, when his father got angry enough, he wondered if he was going to live until morning. “I just can’t. I can’t do it. My way, or no way.”

“Don’t you think you’re taking it a little far?” Ronan asked. “Adam… I can’t lose you.”

Adam opened his eyes and stood up. “You’re not going to lose me,” he said. “I promise.”

Ronan shook his head. “You can’t promise that,” he said. He didn’t sound angry, or sad, but just like he was saying the truth. He stood up as well. “Come on,” he said. “We should change the sheets. I, um, I can take Noah’s bed if you want.”

Adam shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said. “Just don’t cut yourself again.”

Ronan laughed and yanked the sheets off the bed. There wasn’t much blood on them, but it still made Adam feel sick to see it. He didn’t like the idea of Ronan doing this alone in the middle of the night. “You should figure out what you keep cutting yourself on,” he said. “Cover it up or something.”

Ronan glanced at him. “Wouldn’t help,” he said.

Adam wanted to ask why, but something about the way Ronan’s shoulders were tense as he pulled new sheets from the closet made Adam hesitate. Instead, he held the pillows as Ronan put the sheets on the bed. He noticed that Ronan didn’t offer him a new shirt. Maybe it was stupid, but Adam didn’t ask for one.

“Take the inside,” Ronan said, refusing to make eye contact. “That way I don’t have to bother you next time Chainsaw needs to be fed.”

Adam smirked. “Like your bird isn’t going to wake me up anyways.” He climbed onto the bed and slid towards the wall. He didn’t press up against it the way Ronan had, though. Adam felt his heart rushing as Ronan took in his position.

In the end, he didn’t say anything as he sat down on the bed. He laid down and looked at Adam. Adam held his eyes for a minute. Then Ronan laughed, startling him. He got up again. “We fucking forgot to turn off the lights!”

Adam laughed as well, albeit a little uneasily. He hadn’t even noticed that the lights were still on, and it unnerved him. The lights went off and Ronan returned to the bed, laying on his back this time. He was so close, but Adam wanted him to be closer. He didn’t know what was wrong with him – his father would kill him if he ever saw this.

Adam sighed and shifted a little closer. He heard Ronan’s breath stop for a moment. Adam stopped moving, his face less than an inch from Ronan’s shoulder. “I wish you would talk to me,” he said. “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Ronan’s arm moved slowly to circle Adam, his hand pushing back his hair as it passed. Adam’s heart was pounding, and he could see the near-panic in Ronan’s eyes. “Another time,” he promised. “Just go to sleep for now.”

Adam shifted closer, resting his head against Ronan’s side. Ronan’s arm tightened around him. “Tomorrow,” Adam requested. “Tell me tomorrow.”

Ronan’s muscles tensed, but Adam pressed closer, and he relaxed. “Okay,” he whispered. “Tomorrow.” Ronan’s fingers brushed Adam’s hair back again. “Try and get some sleep, Adam.”

Adam sighed, relaxing into Ronan’s embrace. Half-asleep in that bed with Ronan all around him, Adam almost said something he probably would have regretted in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it kind of ends in the same place as the last chapter, but... Well, Ronan _did_ promise to tell Adam tomorrow... (evil smile)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan doesn't sleep, and tries to do something nice for Adam.

Ronan didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to have another nightmare and scare Adam again. It wasn’t as if he ever slept much more than a couple hours anyways.

Unfortunately, not sleeping meant that Ronan had a lot of room for thinking. He couldn’t believe he’d agreed to tell Adam his secret tomorrow – the secret that he’d told his father he wouldn’t tell anyone. But every time he looked at Adam, sleeping peacefully at his side, Ronan couldn’t believe that he hadn’t told him sooner. It was all very confusing.

Ronan also couldn’t stop thinking about the way that Adam had gotten closer to him before going to sleep. What did it mean? Did he want to date Ronan? Was Ronan ready for that?

It was hard to say. Ronan knew that he liked Adam – he liked Adam a lot more than he thought he ought to like anyone. He knew that he _really_ liked having Adam here beside him. But he also knew that there were so many reasons that this wouldn’t work – _couldn’t_ work. Listening to Adam’s breathing against his side, all Ronan could think of were reasons it wouldn’t work.

Dating Ronan could put Adam’s life in danger. Not only from his father, but from the horrible and deadly things that Ronan sometimes brought back with him from his dreams.

Ronan had been worried for Noah’s safety, even. At the start of the year, he had tried sleeping in other places, which had resulted in him nearly dying all by himself on the ground outside. After that, Noah had very carefully informed him that he didn’t mind Ronan sleeping in the room. That was another thing to wonder about, now that he knew that Noah defied the logic of the living world – did Noah actually know what Ronan could do?

But Noah was dead, even though Ronan hadn’t known that all those times when he begrudgingly dreamt within the confines of this room. Noah had never been in any danger from Ronan. And Adam’s safety was something that Ronan couldn’t imagine risking like that, not after seeing how afraid Adam had been when he had seen the blood coating Ronan’s arm. And Ronan kind of hated himself for letting Adam’s safety mean so much more to him than Noah’s had.

At around 6 in the morning, when Chainsaw begged to be fed once more, Ronan carefully separated himself from Adam and got out of bed. Ronan prayed his friend (friend? What did he call this? What did he _want_ to?) didn’t wake up, but it seemed that Adam could be a pretty heavy sleeper. It probably came from working himself to near-death every chance he got.

Ronan fed Chainsaw, and then he looked at Adam. It wasn’t fair to look at Adam when he was asleep, but Ronan couldn’t help it. For once, he felt free to display his emotions. He had a feeling that his expression looked kind of sad.

Chainsaw chirped behind him, and Ronan turned to pick her up. “Hush,” he murmured. “It’s all right.” He stroked the soft feathers on her head, and turned to look at Adam once more. He still slept soundly, and Ronan wondered at the power that Adam had given him to disturb the uneasy balance of his life. Did Adam really want this, or did he just not want to say no?

Adam couldn’t want this, could he? With the shitty way he’d grown up, Adam probably couldn’t trust anyone. He certainly didn’t trust Ronan completely – if he did, he had to be really stupid. There were so many secrets that Ronan kept, so many things that he didn’t say. He didn’t know if he could tell even Adam all of it. It was too painful.

It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. Ronan couldn’t ask Adam to make the sacrifices he would have to make for them to be together. Ronan couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t ask Adam to make his life more complicated. He could barely stand the way that Adam’s life was now.

Adam turned on his side, and Ronan froze, sure he was about to be caught staring, but Adam was just moving in his sleep. He had to get out of here.

Ronan shook himself and snatched a large bag from the floor, stocking it with his bird and a container of her food. For good measure, he added in a few thousand dollars he’d withdrawn from an ATM just to annoy Declan.

Ronan opened the door quietly, and closed the door quietly. It felt weird; he so rarely did anything quietly. What he was about to do had to be done quietly, too. It was odd how “quietly” could mean both “without noise” and “with discretion.”

Because Ronan had an idea, and Adam couldn’t know the details. It would involve a lot of persuasion, probably a good deal of money, and as much luck as the universe could spare. _(Please, please, please, let this work.)_

Ronan took a breath and shifted the bag on his shoulder. Chainsaw let out a quiet chirp. “You’ll have to be quiet when we get there,” he warned. He wasn’t sure what would happen if he got caught smuggling a bird into the church. Maybe it would help his case, him taking care of a defenseless animal and all, but the risk of getting kicked out wasn’t one he was willing to take. Not today.

He could have driven to St. Agnes, but the walk helped him clear his head, helped him sort out exactly what he was going to say. This had to work, because Ronan didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t. He walked into the church and knocked on the office door.

“Come in,” called a cheerful voice.

Ronan opened the door and offered a smile that he hoped looked kinder than his usual. “Good morning, Mrs. Ramirez,” he said as politely as he could manage. It would be best if he started this off on the right foot, not that that was entirely possible with the image he worked to keep up.

“Ronan Lynch,” Mrs. Ramirez greeted, her smile tight. “What can I do for you?”

“Well,” Ronan said, sitting in one of the chairs in front of her desk, “if I remember correctly, the church has an empty attic room?”

“Yes,” Mrs. Ramirez confirmed warily. “What about it?”

“I have this friend,” Ronan said carefully. “He needs to move out of his house. I was thinking that the church would be generous enough to allow him to stay in the room. He can pay rent.”

Mrs. Ramirez looked apprehensive. Probably she thought that any friend of Ronan’s was likely to be nothing but trouble for the church. “The room is supposed to be temporary housing for people in bad situations,” she said doubtfully.

“He is in a bad situation,” Ronan insisted. “And it would be temporary – just until the end of high school. Please, Mrs. Ramirez. He doesn’t have any place else to go.”

The “please” probably swayed her more than anything else he’d said; Ronan Lynch did not often ask nicely. “Why isn’t he here, then?” she asked.

“He doesn’t know I’m doing this. He won’t move out unless he has somewhere to go, and he wouldn’t accept it if he knew I set this up. I need you to act like this is just a normal, advertised room-for-rent when he comes asking about it.”

Mrs. Ramirez looked concerned again. “Are you asking me to lie?”

“Yes,” Ronan replied firmly. “How much would the rent be each month?”

Mrs. Ramirez took a breath. “It’s $600 a month.”

“A month! For that sh –” Ronan cleared his throat. “I mean, I think it would be appropriate if we told him that he’s being charged as a non-profit, and that the rent is $300 a month. I’ll pay the other half.” He flashed her a smile that he hoped resembled the one that made people say yes to anything Matthew asked. Not that Matthew ever asked anything worth saying no to.

She looked uncertain. “Maybe you should just talk to your friend. Perhaps he is better-off than you think he is.”

Ronan shook his head. “Mrs. Ramirez, you don’t understand. He won’t let me help him unless he doesn’t know. Please. Tell me you’ll help me. I can’t let him go back to that house.” He took a stack of money from his bag, praying that Chainsaw would keep quiet. “I can pay my half of the rent right now. All of it for the next year.”

Mrs. Ramirez was silent for a long time. Ronan shook with anticipation, tapping his hand against his leg. As she opened her mouth, Ronan thought that she looked as if she thought that she would regret her decision. Quietly, her voice dripping with defeat, she said, “All right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the amount of action kind of dipped a little. And it's kind of dragging along. And some of it is probably a little repetitive. (I'm going to meekly stand by that by saying that people think the same things over and over again.)
> 
> You see, I just need some thing to get sorted out before I get to the actiony bit. But it's going to pick up again, I promise. Next chapter, actual things will happen, I swear!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam wakes up alone in Ronan's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Saturday somewhere, isn't it? Okay, so it's kind of late, and kind of not as exciting as I thought it was going to be. But - but! - I am going to put next week's chapter up on Thursday instead. So... yeah.

Like most mornings, Adam woke up alone. Unlike most mornings, he hadn’t been expecting to.

Adam sat up and looked around the room, expecting Ronan to be there somewhere – sitting at the desk, or on Noah’s bed, or maybe on the floor with Chainsaw. But Ronan was nowhere in sight.

Adam climbed off the bed and checked the closet – Chainsaw wasn’t there. He looked at the desk, where he was sure he’d seen Ronan put his keys last night, but they weren’t there, either. He swallowed past a lump in his throat, and he tried to ignore the tight, painful feeling in his chest. It didn’t make sense that he was this upset that Ronan wasn’t here.

Just because Ronan wasn’t here now, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be here later, Adam reasoned. Maybe he had just stepped out to get coffee, or to… make a phone call? In his car, with his raven?

Adam sighed and sat down on the bed. He couldn’t leave, because that would be like surrender. If he didn’t wait for Ronan to come back and tell him whatever it was that he was hiding, then it would be like saying that he didn’t care that much. But Adam _did_ care that much, and he wasn’t going to let it go. He cared too much about Ronan to let it go.

So, Adam settled in to the bed to wait for Ronan to make an eventual reappearance. He only had to wait a few minutes before the door opened, but it wasn’t Ronan who entered. “Noah?”

Noah looked at Adam, but he didn’t seem surprised to find him alone in the room, on Ronan’s bed. That didn’t do much to alleviate Adam’s embarrassment. “Adam,” Noah said eerily. He was becoming less visible by the second. “You have to get his attention.”

“Whose?” Adam asked. “Whose attention do we have to get?”

“You have to wake the ley line,” Noah said insistently. He was nearly transparent, nothing but the shape of a boy. “You have to wake… Cabeswater.” And then he was gone.

Adam stared at the spot where Noah had been. The room suddenly felt about twenty degrees colder, and he couldn’t comprehend what was going on. His friend was a ghost – a ghost who appeared to be having an existential crisis. He didn’t know what to do in this situation. Adam Parrish was someone who prided himself on being able to get by while relying only on himself, but right now, he wished there was someone here to tell him what to do.

Cue: Ronan’s cellphone, ringing somewhere in the room. It took Adam a moment to realize that it was just the cellphone, and not Ronan, that was here. He searched the room until he found the phone in a desk drawer. Typical Ronan Lynch: take the raven, leave the cell phone.

It was Declan calling, but Adam didn’t answer. He didn’t think that he could come up with a reason that he had Ronan’s phone, but had no idea where Ronan was. Ronan never answered Declan’s calls, anyways.

Eventually, the phone stopped ringing – Adam counted 4 tries. He waited a minute to be sure that Declan was done trying to get Ronan to pick up the phone.

Once he was sure the phone wasn’t going to ring again, Adam stared at it for a few moments longer. He would have liked to call Ronan, but if Ronan had had his phone, Adam wouldn’t have been able to call him. It would have been nice to ask Noah a few more questions, but Adam was pretty sure that the dead didn’t have data plans. That left him with Blue.

The thing about the phone at 300 Fox Way was that you never knew who was going to answer the phone, aside from the fact that it would a woman. So Adam had no idea who it was that answered the phone with a low, sultry “Good morning. Would you like to know what I see in your future?”

Adam cleared his throat. “Actually, I’m calling for Blue. Is she there?”

The person on the other end of the phone sighed. “Just a minute.” There was the sound of the phone being moved around, and then Adam heard the woman yell “Blue! One of your Raven Boys is on the phone for you!” The phone shuffled again, and the woman came back on. “Are you sure I can’t give you just a peek?” she asked in a voice that was probably supposed to be tantalizing. “I can promise that you’ll enjoy it…”

“That’s not funny,” Blue’s voice said in the background. Then it sounded like she stole the phone. “Hello?”

“Blue,” Adam said in relief; it felt so good to be talking to a familiar voice. “I just saw Noah. What can you tell me about ley lines?”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group discussion of ley lines and Cabeswater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! Thursday! I have no idea when the next one will be, though. Maybe next Saturday, or Sunday. Don't hold me to that. We shall see what happens. I promise I'm not going to abandon this.

Ronan returned to his room around midmorning. He really hoped that Adam would still be there – Ronan remembered him saying that he had Saturday off for once, but that didn’t mean that he planned to spend the whole day in Ronan’s room. Especially when Ronan had left him alone with no explanation of when he was coming back.

Actually, at this point, Ronan was starting to think that Adam wouldn’t be there. Why would he be? Adam had more important things to do with his life than sit around waiting for Ronan.

So, when Ronan opened his door, bearing gifts in the form of more breakfast foods than two people could possibly eat and an appropriately crumpled room-for-rent flyer, there were three more people inside than he’d expected. Well, two people and Noah.

Ronan felt an inexplicable surge of jealousy at the sight of all of his friends meeting without him. Of Adam meeting with their friends without him.

There really wasn’t much to be jealous of, of course: Adam sat cross-legged on Ronan’s bed, while Blue and Noah sat across. All three of them looked happy to see him, although perhaps it was a bit begrudging on Blue’s part.

Absolutely no one was moving. Ronan kicked the door shut behind him, which seemed to break the spell, because Blue and Noah’s postures immediately relaxed, and Adam immediate jumped up to take a bag and tray of coffee from Ronan’s overfilled hands. He set the items on the desk, and asked, “What’s with the huge amount of food?”

Ronan smirked and replied, “What’s with the meeting of the nerd club?” Blue huffed in indignation, and Ronan added, “The food is for eating. That’s typically what you do with it, you know. Except for Noah.”

Noah squeaked in protest. “I used to eat!”

“But now you don’t,” Ronan sneered, taking Chainsaw out of his bag and settling her in her nest. “Food is for living people, ghost boy.”

“How much do I owe you?” Adam asked, looking longingly at a bagel. Ronan could practically see him subtracting the cost from his salary in his head.

“Nothing,” Ronan said. Adam gave him a look, like he wasn’t going to accept that, but Ronan shot him a grin. “Tossed the receipt. Besides, if you don’t eat it, it’s just going to get thrown out.” He nodded at Blue. “You can eat, too, Sargent. Or don’t. I don't fucking care.”

Blue scowled at him, taking a blueberry muffin probably just to prove that she was willing to. Adam reluctantly picked up the bagel, and Ronan slid him a couple packets of cream cheese and a plastic knife. Adam frowned, but he accepted these as well. Then Ronan fished the fake flyer from his pocket, and tossed the crumpled ball at Adam. “You should check that out,” he said quietly.

Adam unfolded the paper carefully, and frowned at the words printed on it. He looked at Ronan, and very deliberately folded the paper twice and placed it in his pocket. Ronan held back a sigh of relief, because he knew that was the best he was going to get. Hopefully, it would be good enough.

“So,” Ronan said, taking a seat on his bed with plenty of space between him and Adam, “what’s going on?”

“Blue and Noah are informing us about the importance of ley lines,” Adam said, getting up to grab a coffee. Ronan had a sinking feeling the he was getting so that he could sit further away without drawing attention.

Ronan arched an eyebrow at Blue, and she sighed. “The corpse road – that’s what I know it as. I guess it’s the same thing. It’s basically an invisible line of energy. They go all over the world.”

“And this is important because…?” Ronan asked, watching Adam slowly stir sugar and cream into his coffee.

“Because you have to wake the ley line!” Noah cried. “You have to wake Cabeswater! It’s the only way to get him here!” He lost some visibility with the vehemence of his outburst.

Adam sighed and came back over to the bed. He sat down right next to Ronan, just an inch of space between their legs. Ronan thought for a second that that was probably the most important thing going on right now. Then he came back to his senses as Adam said, “But we still don’t know what Cabeswater is, or who _he_ is, or how to wake any of these things.”

“Cabeswater is Cabeswater!” Noah said with frustration. He faded a little more, and grabbed Blue’s hand to remain visible. “There’s really no other way to explain it.”

“But _where_ is it, Noah?” Blue prompted gently.

Noah groaned in frustration. Even holding Blue’s hand, he was starting to disappear rapidly. “I can’t _tell_ you! You have to _find_ it!” And then he was gone.

Blue sighed and leaned back on the bed, looking exhausted. “I think we’re lucky he even showed up for that long,” she said.

Adam looked at Ronan and added, “He showed up a few minutes before you did. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind.” He held up Ronan’s phone. “I used your phone to call Blue. Also, Declan called a few times.”

Ronan glared at the phone, refusing to take it when Adam offered it to him. Adam sighed and placed the phone on the desk where it couldn’t hurt anyone. “Next time Declan calls, _you_ can answer it,” Ronan told him, which was as close to “I don’t mind if you use my things” as Ronan was going to go.

“Fair enough,” Adam said, like it was a punishment. Talking to Declan was always torture for Ronan, but he hadn’t meant it that way for Adam. Adam could talk to Declan because Ronan trusted him to do it correctly. Not just anyone could negotiate with the likes of Declan.

“It’s not a fucking chore, Parrish,” he said. “You don’t have to do it.” Adam just shrugged, and Ronan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He turned to Blue. “Sargent, you have any idea how to find this Cabeswater Noah was talking about?”

Blue shook her head. “I really don’t. I have no idea what it is.”

“Did he say anything else about it?” Ronan asked.

Blue shook her head, but Adam said, “Well, didn’t he say something about… dreams?” Ronan felt a chill go through him.

Blue frowned. “Is that what he said? I could hardly understand him at that point.”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. I think so. I don’t know how that will help, though.”

Ronan looked at the ceiling in exasperation. There was no chance, then, that he could keep his secret. He looked at Blue, and then at Adam. He preferred to keep his gaze on Adam, because it made him feel a little safer. “It might be more help than you might think…”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a discussion of Ronan's dream ability, and what it has to do with Cabeswater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little bit late, which I actually don't have an excuse for. I'm really sorry. _But_ some of this chapter is actually really cute. At least, in my opinion...

“What do you mean?” Blue asked. Adam barely heard her question – he was glad it wasn’t for him. He felt like he was underwater, and he couldn’t seem to figure out how to break the surface. Well, maybe he did, but he didn’t want to.

This feeling had started just after Ronan had said, “It might be more help than you might think.” He had hesitated after that, and Adam had reached over without thinking to take his hand. Just to let Ronan know that he was there, he was listening. When his fingers curled around Ronan’s – that was when Adam had been submerged. At least he could breathe, but he wasn’t even sure that he would care if he couldn’t. His chest hurt with how much he didn’t want to let go.

“Ronan?” Blue prompted. Adam heard it, again echoing as if she was speaking above the surface of whatever liquid he had gotten himself into, but he didn’t process it for a minute. It was a minute more before he realized that Ronan still hadn’t responded.

Adam trailed his gaze from their hands up along the slope of Ronan’s arm, taking a detour across his chest and shoulders, inching up his neck, and pausing for a moment at his lips. Finally, Adam’s eyes made it up to Ronan’s, and he made sense of Ronan’s entire expression: he was looking at their hands, just as Adam had been moments before, with something akin to wonder.

“Lynch!” Blue snapped, startling both boys. It was loud, Adam thought, but it still wasn’t quite in the same plane of existence he currently occupied. “You were saying?”

Ronan glanced at Adam, who was already looking at him. Adam watched his lips part as he drew in a breath. “I took Chainsaw out of my dreams.”

Ronan’s voice was sharp in contrast to Blue’s. It was so in focus, and Adam briefly wondered if Ronan was underwater with him. And then – did Ronan just say what Adam thought he just said? “What?”

Ronan’s hand twisted in Adam’s. Adam loosened his grip, but didn’t let go. Ronan’s hand twisted again, and he grabbed onto Adam’s hand, clinging as if he was afraid of what would happen if Adam let go. Adam really didn’t want to let go.

“I took her from my dreams,” Ronan said again. “I can… do that. Take things out of my dreams, that is.” He met Adam’s eyes. “And what I bring back isn’t always good.”

Adam put the pieces together, and his gaze drifted to the bandage on Ronan’s arm, and Ronan squeezed his hand. He closed his eyes for half a second, coming to terms with this information. “How?” he asked at the same time that Blue said, “That doesn’t seem possible.”

Ronan smirked at Blue first. _“You’re_ questioning _me,_ psychic?”

Blue glared daggers at Ronan. “I’m not a psychic,” she reminded him tersely. “My _family_ is psychic.”

Ronan shrugged, and Adam interrupted before he and Blue could tear each other apart. “How is this possible, Ronan?” It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Ronan – he did – but he couldn’t seem to reconcile this world of ghosts and dreams with the one he had grown up in. The world where the only way to survive was to help yourself.

Ronan searched Adam’s face – for what, Adam didn’t know. Whatever it was that he was looking for, Ronan seemed satisfied with what he found. “I don’t know how,” he said. “I just can. I take something from the dream, and I hold it. I make it real.”

He paused, as if he wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure how. Blue seemed to pick up on this as well, and the room waited in silence. Adam moved his fingers minutely against Ronan’s hand.

“My father could do it, too,” Ronan informed them eventually, his tone almost sounding like it was said as an afterthought. Almost.

Adam took one heavy breath, in and out, with his eyes closed. His fingers were still. Everything was still. The room had returned to silence, this time not because they were waiting for anything, but because no one wanted to be the one to reply to that.

Ronan moved first, his fingers twitching against Adam’s. Adam couldn’t believe he was still holding Ronan’s hand – it seemed far past the platonic limit – but he couldn’t even begin to fathom how to let go, or why he would want to. He squeezed Ronan’s hand once in support.

Ronan cleared his throat. “Anyways,” he said, his voice too loud in this room, “that’s what it is. That’s the big secret.”

Adam looked at him carefully. “Do you know how to find this Cabeswater thing?”

Ronan shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of it, and I honestly don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to…” he trailed off, his eyebrows knitting together.

“What? Ronan, what?” Adam asked.

“Do you know something?” Blue asked eagerly. “What is it?”

Ronan looked down at his and Adam’s hands regretfully. “Hang on,” he said, pulling his fingers away from Adam’s as he stood and went to the closet to search for something.

While Ronan’s back was turned, Blue shot a wide-eyed, questioning look at Adam. Adam wondered if she was questioning what Ronan was up to, or the fact that Adam had been holding his hand for the past twenty minutes. Knowing Blue, it was probably the latter. Either way, the only response Adam had was a shrug.

Ronan turned back to them with triumphant grin and an elegantly decorated metal disk in his hand. “Is that… a compass?” Blue asked.

Ronan nodded, bursting with happiness. “Have you ever seen _Pirates of the Caribbean?”_ he asked her. “This compass doesn’t point north.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension + unforeseen difficulties + new ideas + other stuff = this chapter.
> 
> In other words: Blue, Ronan, and Adam attempt to use the compass to find Cabeswater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look: Saturday!

As useful as a compass that always points to your destination may seem theoretically, the trio soon found that it was much more difficult to use in practice. Ronan would never admit this, but he secretly thought it would have been smarter to just dream a map. Of course, he hadn't dreamt the compass on purpose in the first place, but still.

“Lynch, we need to turn around,” Adam shouted over the music in the BMW. “This road just keeps curving in the wrong direction!”

Ronan slammed on the brakes and smirked as Blue hit her face on the back of Adam’s seat. “Hey! Watch it!” she yelled, reaching up and angrily punching the button to turn off the music. The car plunged into a tense silence. Blue rubbed her nose. “Couldn’t you have dreamt us a compass that follows the roads?” she demanded irritably.

Adam laughed – for some reason, he seemed to be the only one here in a somewhat good mood. Blue glared at him, and Ronan glared at Blue. “What exactly are you contributing to this expedition?” he asked. “At least Parrish is doing something fucking useful!”

“Oh, right,” Blue countered. “He’s holding the compass and telling you you’re going the wrong way! How incredibly helpful that is!”

“Do you want to get out and walk?” Ronan demanded. “Because you can fucking walk home! Be my fucking guest!”

“Why don’t _you_ get out and walk?” Blue snarled. “At least then we won’t be in danger of losing our hearing!”

Ronan jabbed the button to turn the music on again in retaliation, and Adam winced at the volume change. He calmly reached over and hit the button. Ronan thought that it was probably the least amount of force that button had ever seen. “Are you two done acting like children?” Adam asked.

Blue crossed her arms and said, “Well, _I_ am.”

Ronan snorted. “How are you ever done acting like a child when you’re shorter than most of them?” he asked.

Blue opened her mouth to yell some more, but Adam held up a hand. “If you don’t stop fighting, I’m going to take this compass and walk to Cabeswater myself.”

“Hey, that’s _my_ compass,” Ronan protested, but it was half-hearted at best, because Adam’s accent had slipped in, betraying his exhaustion.

Adam sighed. “Listen, I have homework that needs to be done, and I’d really like to take a shower and put on some clean clothes. So, if we aren’t going to be productive here, can you just take me home?”

Ronan ran his eyes across Adam’s clothes – his now-wrinkled school uniform shirt and pants from yesterday. He didn’t want to take Adam home ever. “There are showers at the dorm.” Adam gave Ronan a long look that said that there was no way he was going to convince Adam to spend the night at his dorm again. Ronan blew out a long breath through his teeth. “Okay,” he said, although Adam hadn’t asked anything of him. At least, not audibly. “We can keep going.”

Adam nodded slowly. “I think I’d like to get a map,” he said.

Ronan grinned. “I’m not dreaming it for you.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Adam said. “I’m just asking for you to drive somewhere we can buy one.” He also wasn’t asking for Ronan to pay, but Ronan had already decided that he would.

“Probably wouldn’t be accurate, anyways,” Blue commented. “Seeing as how the compass is working out so well.”

Ronan didn’t respond, but he pushed especially hard on the gas as he pulled back onto the road. The unfortunate thing about getting to know her better was that Blue had been expecting this and calmly leaned back against the seat as the BMW accelerated. It would have been entirely unsatisfying if not for the fact that Ronan was driving very fast in a very nice car.

Ronan pulled up to a gas station, stopping beside a pump without any intention of getting gas. Sometimes, it was nice just to be in people’s way. Adam reached for his seatbelt release, but Blue stopped him. “I’ll go. I want to get something to drink anyways.”

Ronan tossed her his wallet. “Drinks for everyone,” he ordered. “Plus the map.”

Blue scowled at him. “I don’t need you to pay for me.” If she hadn’t said it, Ronan was certain that Adam would have. Instead, Adam quietly stared at his lap.

“Well, then buy _me_ three drinks and a map. If you want your own, go right ahead,” he growled. He would be perfectly happy not paying for Blue’s drink, but then there would be no chance that he would be allowed to pay for Adam’s.

Blue huffed and climbed out of the car. She snatched a few bills from the wallet and threw it at Ronan, probably because she realized her hands would be full when she came back, and a map would be far less satisfying to throw.

The car was quiet for a minute after Blue left. Ronan couldn’t take the silence, the tension. He glanced at the gas gauge – a little above half. Well, why not?

Ronan flung open his door, almost missing the way Adam flinched at the movement, and got out to pump gas. A minute later, he heard Adam’s door open, and Adam came around to lean on the car as Ronan filled the gas tank. “Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” Ronan replied, not looking at him. The combination of the scent of gasoline and Adam leaning on his car stirred up thoughts that Ronan knew he shouldn’t be having.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Ronan muttered. “The fact that I’m a freak who takes things from his dreams?”

Adam sighed. “I don’t care, Ronan,” he said. “You’re just a person. A person who can do extraordinary things, yes, but I already knew that.” His voice got quieter. “I already knew you were extraordinary, Ronan.”

Ronan looked up at Adam. _Fuck._ “Sometimes, it’s not just the cuts,” he whispered. “Sometimes, I bring back the things that made them. The night horrors.”

Adam shook his head. “I don’t care about that. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been in danger,” he said wryly.

Ronan closed his eyes and tilted his head back. “I don’t want you to ever be in danger,” he said. “I can’t stand it.”

“You can’t spend your whole life isolating yourself,” Adam said. “I can take care of myself, Ronan.”

“I know,” Ronan replied. “But I want to protect you anyways.”

Adam sighed heavily. “I don’t like the idea of you being in danger, either. But there isn’t much I can do about it, is there? Even if you weren’t in danger in your sleep, you would find plenty of other ways to endanger yourself.”

Ronan glanced at the gas nozzle, still in the car. He couldn’t tell how long ago it had stopped pumping in gas. He replaced it at the pump and closed the gas tank before looking at Adam again. “Are you going to move out?”

Adam scuffed his shoe against the ground. “I don’t know,” he said. “I have to think about it.”

“Don’t let him find that flyer,” Ronan warned. The look Adam gave him said, _Do you think I’m stupid?_ But Ronan breathed a little easier for having said it. “Adam –”

“Here’s your soda, asshole,” Blue interrupted, thrusting a bottle of Coke at Ronan. She handed another to Adam much more gently, as well as a map of Henrietta. She then dug into her pocket and shoved a handful of wrinkled bills and coins at Ronan. “Your change.”

“Keep it,” Ronan said, just to watch her scowl and dump it on the ground. Adam looked at the money longingly, wanting to take it, but too proud to seem desperate. This wasn’t fun anymore.

Ronan bent down and gathered up the change, if only because he didn’t want Adam to see him as the sort of person who had so much money that he could leave seven dollars and change on the ground without batting an eye, even though he was. He wished he could hand it to Adam. As it was, it was a miracle that Adam had accepted Ronan paying for the map _and_ a soda.

Adam unfolded the map on top of the car as Ronan and Blue watched, and then he took the compass and a pen out of his pocket. He spent a couple minutes locating the gas station on the map, and spent several more double-checking the surroundings and the compass needle before drawing a very careful arrow in blue ink. His attention to detail was impressive, Ronan thought as he watched Adam’s wrist flex.

“There,” Adam said, turning to face them. “If we do this in a few other places, we should be able to get a better idea of where Cabeswater is.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress and non-progress.
> 
> Or, Adam works on his map, and then he and Ronan talk about things.

Adam lay on his stomach on Ronan’s floor. He could tell by the way Ronan kept looking at him that the other boy had assumed that Adam had just been too tired to protest when he had invited him back here to work out the geometry on the map. Truthfully, Adam had been away from home for far too long, and the longer he spent away, the less he wanted to go back.

“You sure you don’t want me to that, Parrish?” Ronan asked. “I _can_ draw straight lines, after all.”

Blue snorted from where she sat swinging her legs on Noah’s bed. “Can you?” she asked.

Adam saw Ronan bristle. “What’s that supposed to mean, maggot?”

Adam sighed. “Lynch, when’s the last time you used a ruler?” He asked because they had spent twenty minutes searching for this one before finding it wedged between Noah’s bed and the wall.

Ronan grinned with all his teeth. “I used it just the other day,” he said proudly.

“To throw at me!” Noah protested, popping up beside Blue. Adam started, but Blue simply smiled at him, before turning to glare at Ronan.

“He fucking deserved it,” Ronan retorted.

Noah made a sound of protest. “All I did was say that you and Adam needed to get your shit together! I’m so tired of watching you two stare longingly at each other!” Blue laughed loudly into her hand, and Noah smiled as he corralled her hair back into its clips.

Adam looked at Ronan open-mouthed, and Ronan narrowed his eyes at Noah. “You’re fucking lucky Parrish has the ruler, ghost,” he threatened. Noah squeaked and vanished, and Ronan turned to Adam with a self-satisfied smirk. “He’s just being an idiot,” he assured.

Adam frowned and glanced at Blue, who was studying her fingernails with a great deal of interest. “Maybe we should talk,” he said reluctantly.

Ronan’s face fell. “Right,” he said. “Okay.” It sounded like he had already decided what Adam was planning to say. It sounded like he thought that was the end of the discussion.

“I meant for real, Lynch,” Adam said.

Ronan frowned and turned his gaze from the floor to Blue. “Right,” he said, trying and failing to sound confident. “Sargent, go home.”

Blue huffed in annoyance, but she didn’t complain as she gathered herself up and headed to the door. Adam would have told her she could stay, but the air between him and Ronan had turned sour. They needed to talk. It couldn’t wait any longer. No interruptions this time.

For a minute after Blue left, neither of them made a sound, or even moved. Then Ronan sighed and came to sit on the floor in front of Adam. Adam took a deep breath and looked up at Ronan’s face. Ronan looked so nervous that Adam felt that he couldn’t not speak, but so hopeful that he couldn’t find a way to get the words out.

After a minute, Ronan broke eye contact, and Adam let out a breath, returning his attention to the map. He slowly extended the third line with the help of the ruler. He could already see that it wasn’t going to match perfectly with the intersection of the first two, but hopefully it would be close enough to help.

Adam had finished the third line and started on the fourth when Ronan laughed suddenly. Adam started and looked up at him. “What?”

“Just… I guess we didn’t have to send Blue away, after all,” Ronan said. He was trying to sound humorous, but Adam could hear the insecurity in his voice, and he could see the fear in his eyes. Adam hated that he was the cause of that.

“Ronan,” he started. “I –”

Ronan stopped him. “It’s fine,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything. I can take a hint.”

Adam rolled his eyes and set down his pen. “I really don’t think you can,” he said, looking blatantly at Ronan’s lips. He licked his own lips, and watch Ronan watch the action. He took a deep breath and caught Ronan’s eyes. This was so much worse with eye contact, but Adam knew he owed it Ronan. “I’m only going to say this once,” he warned. “I like you, Ronan. In a romantic kind of way.”

Ronan stared at him for a minute. Finally, he opened his mouth and said, “Oh.”

“Oh?” Adam repeated, laughing out of sheer anxiety. “I’m telling you I like you, and all I get is ‘Oh?’ I thought you…” He shook his head, suddenly so uncertain. Ronan _had_ asked him out all that time ago, hadn’t he? Maybe he had gotten tired of waiting? Maybe he had simply come to his senses and realized that Adam wasn’t worth his attention, after all.

“Adam,” Ronan sighed. “I – I like you, too.”

Adam closed his eyes. “But?” he asked bitterly. He could hear it coming; he knew it was coming.

Adam felt Ronan’s fingers gently brush his face, and he opened his eyes. Ronan swiped his hand across Adam’s cheek, and Adam turned away in shame – he hadn’t realized he was crying. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Ronan asked quietly. His voice was so sad that it hurt Adam to hear it. “Don’t you want something normal – some _one_ normal? Don’t you want a relationship you don’t have to hide from your father?”

Adam glared at Ronan like an accusation. “No,” he said stubbornly. “I want _you,_ dumbass.”

Ronan laughed sharply. “Do you?” he challenged. “It seems like, if you actually wanted me, you would have done something about it by now. The truth is, you don’t want to do anything while you’re still living with your father, but you’re too stubborn to move out.” Ronan’s eyes were desperate, pleading. Adam looked away.

“I just said that I like you!” he complained, frustrated. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to want this!” Ronan replied, getting to his feet with irritation. “I want you to tell me that you want to date me!”

Adam got up as well. “I want to date you!” he yelled.

Ronan shook his head, pacing with agitation. “No! I want you to mean it! Right now! I want you to be ready to actually _date_ me right now! I don’t want to be something you’re going to put off until you move out of your father’s house, because God knows you’re too goddamn stubborn to actually fucking do _that!”_

Adam gaped at him, and, for a moment, neither of them moved. Then Adam turned away in anger and snatched up his things from their various locations throughout Ronan’s room: his uniform sweater folded over the back of Ronan’s desk chair, his Latin textbook lying open on Ronan’s bed, his threadbare jacket strewn across the top of the dresser, his backpack resting casually at the foot of the bed. Then he started for the door.

“Adam –” Ronan started. Adam spun to glare at him, and Ronan ducked his head. “Your pen,” he said, though he clearly wanted to say more.

Adam’s glare darkened, but he came back into the room to snatch his pen off the map on the floor. “Thanks,” he said gruffly.

“Adam –” Ronan said again as Adam reached for the door handle.

Adam spun again to look at Ronan. He was still fuming. If he had been just slightly less angry, he might have simply growled, “What?” As it was, he narrowed his eyes at the boy he might have dated, and said levelly, “You know, I _did_ mean now. I wasn’t going to make you wait.” And then he stormed out of the room before Ronan could say anything in response.

Adam made his way out the building quietly, too angry to cry and too upset to stomp his feet. Once he made it out into the open air, he hesitated, unsure of what his next move was. He glanced behind him, and pretended he didn’t feel disappointed when he didn’t see Ronan following.

His anger deflated. Adam sighed and decided that, no matter how much he wanted to go back inside, he wasn’t going to do it. He walked towards the bike rack, where his bicycle had been sitting, unattended, since Friday morning.

And then, he heard the last voice he would have expected to hear say, “Mr. Parrish. What brings you here on a Saturday evening?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand... cliffhanger. ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan regrets his life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mostly exists to build suspense.
> 
> Okay, well, it _is_ important, but it doesn't really solve any mysteries. At least, not for the readers.
> 
> I also really enjoyed writing it after a certain point.

Ronan felt like an idiot. Why did he have to go and push Adam away like that? Why did he have to sabotage this one chance at being happy? It wasn’t like there was anyone else offering to be in a relationship with him.

Even if there was, Ronan didn’t think he would ever feel the same way about anyone else. Adam was fiercely independent, intensely stubborn, occasionally hot-tempered, and there was absolutely nothing about him that Ronan would change. He always thought that there was no way that he could possibly want Adam more, but then they would make eye contact, or Adam would smile, or laugh, or move, and Ronan would be proven wrong again and again.

And now he’d driven him away once more.

Ronan picked his phone up from the desk and hurled it across the room in anger. It bounced off the wall, probably immune to damage in the protective case Declan had forced on him. Taking it off would have been too much like admitting that he cared, but right now, Ronan wished that he had more to show for his efforts than a smudge on the wall and his phone on the floor.

Ronan stalked over to the phone, fully intending to find a way to destroy it, like tossing it into a blender, or maybe hitting it a few times with an axe. The device was useless to him anyways – if he wanted to talk to Matthew, all he had to do was walk down the hall, and Blue usually preferred to show up unannounced. And Adam… well, Adam wasn’t going to call him anyways.

Ronan’s anger twisted in his chest like a savage creature. He hated this. All of it. Every last shred of emotion in his body that forced him to care. Every last bit of himself that wished that Adam was still here – which is to say, every last bit of himself.

But, mostly, he hated that Adam wasn’t here. He hated that he’d said what he had. He hated that he hadn’t apologized. He hated that he hadn’t gone after Adam. He hated that this night had happened at all.

Ronan wrung his hands around the phone, the expensive hardware scraping against his fingers. He wished that Adam had a cell phone, because he couldn’t even begin to imagine how to make up for this in person. He thought that calling Adam at home might even make it worse. He thought that not calling might be a mistake, too.

Ronan squeezed the phone between his fingers, wishing that he had the strength to break it, or maybe to call Adam. Would Adam even be home yet? Ronan didn’t know. He considered getting in his car and trying to catch up with Adam on his bike.

He closed his eyes and imagined an argument on the side of the road, Adam’s fingers turning white where they gripped the handlebars of the bike. Ronan would say something stupid, like “Don’t go back there,” or “Don’t leave me.” And Adam would get angry, because Ronan had no right to ask that of him, especially after what he had said.

Ronan considered throwing his phone again, but he doubted it would be any more satisfying a second time. He thought about finding Declan and getting into a fight. He thought about what Adam would think about that – using violence to solve or avoid his problems – and decided against it.

He contemplated taking Matthew out for pizza, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone happy, and Matthew was never anything but. He didn’t want to force his problems on his younger brother, either. He didn’t really feel like going out in public anyways.

Ronan sighed and dropped his phone and himself onto the bed. He wished Noah was here. He wished Blue was here, even. (He wished Adam was here, but he didn’t want to think about that.)

The phone started ringing, and Ronan jumped – he hadn’t been expecting anyone to actually call. Two seconds passed in quick succession, during which Ronan briefly wondered if answering the phone would do any good. Then he grabbed the phone and answered it without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” he said breathlessly, hating that he sounded almost desperate.

There was a beat of silence, and then: “Ronan?”

Ronan’s heart sunk. He pulled the phone away from his ear to confirm what he already knew: it wasn’t Adam on the other end of the call. _“You_ called me,” he snarled half-heartedly.

“Well, I didn’t think you would be the one to answer the phone,” Blue explained indignantly. “I thought Adam would…” she trailed off.

Ronan was quiet for a minute. “Adam went home,” he said finally.

“Oh,” Blue replied. She, too, was quiet for a moment, and then she said in a scary-quiet voice, “Ronan Lynch, _what_ did you do?”

Ronan made a sound of frustration. “What makes you think _I_ did something?” Blue was silent, waiting, and Ronan closed his eyes for a moment before opening them one at a time. “I didn’t mean to –” But he had meant to. He had wanted to upset Adam, and he had wanted Adam to – He wasn’t sure. Whatever he had wanted Adam to do, it wasn’t what Adam had done. It never was.

Blue said, “You must be an idiot.” Ronan silently agreed.

They were both quiet for another moment, neither one accustomed to conversing with the other over the phone. Ronan realized that there was a lot that he and Blue Sargent said to each other without speaking. They were both at a loss for words now that they had been robbed of their visual cues.

Blue was the first one to break the silence. “I hope you realize I’m taking Adam’s side in the divorce.”

Ronan laughed. “Good riddance,” he said, though he was immensely grateful for her voice on the other end of his phone.

Someone’s voice rose from the general background melee of 300 Fox Way, shouting at Blue to hurry up with the phone. Blue shouted back that she would take her own sweet time. Nevertheless, Ronan asked, “Why did you call?”

“Oh!” Blue exclaimed. “Right! I wanted to tell you – Persephone said that someone is going to wake the ley line in the next few days. Also, we aren’t the only ones trying.”

“So what?” Ronan questioned. “We’re only trying to get the attention of this _person_ Noah keeps talking about. It’s the same end result if someone else does all the fucking work.”

“You don’t know who else is looking,” Blue said ominously.

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Who?”

Blue said the words very slowly, as if she was afraid that saying them all together would catch the attention of a wayward devil. “Barrington Whelk.”

Ronan processed this. He knew that Blue knew who Whelk was – she had borne witness to a few sets of complaints about the Latin teacher – but Ronan had not realized that he was involved in all this. Everything slowly clicked into place, and he said, “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Blue agreed softly.

“He doesn’t have the compass,” Ronan said, more for his own peace of mind than Blue’s. And then he glanced around the room – map, desk, floor – and realized that _he_ didn’t have the compass, either: it was still in Adam’s pocket.

“Right,” Blue said, oblivious to this realization. Ronan tried not to be concerned – it wasn’t as if Adam would go looking for this Cabeswater thing alone, right?

“We’ll have to find it before he does,” Blue continued. “How soon are you going to apologize to Adam?”

Ronan was quiet. He considered hanging up on her. He also considered answering. In the end, he said, “I’ll let you know when we’re going to look for Cabeswater.” And _then_ he hung up.

Ronan sank onto his bed. This whole thing was a mess. Everything was a mess. Why had they had to get involved in all this, anyways? Why couldn’t this guy just find them on his own? Why couldn’t Noah just go get him?

As if Ronan’s thoughts had conjured him, the air above Noah’s bed slowly began to materialize into a human-ish shape. “Noah,” Ronan greeted, no longer in need of the company, but glad to have it nonetheless.

Noah’s mouth was not quite solid yet, and Ronan waited. Once Noah was fully in the room, though, he said exactly one word. One word that tore Ronan’s soul from his body, that sent a chill through his spine. One word that changed everything.

_“Adam.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you remember a thousand years ago when I said that things were going to start happening before I realized that I had to wrap up a bunch of things first? Well, clearly, things are now happening. Which apparently means that every chapter ends ominously.
> 
> On the plus side, I've been planning to end this chapter that way since halfway through the last chapter. So, at least _I'm_ happy. :)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, you want to know what's going on with Adam?

Adam was thoroughly unimpressed. It wasn’t that he wasn’t concerned for his own safety – he was. It was just that he felt far less threatened than he was used to when his safety was at stake. In fact, at the moment, he hardly felt frightened at all. He could almost say that he would have been in more danger had he actually gone home. Almost.

Of course, Barrington Whelk was a horrible kidnapper. Adam wasn’t sure how he had realized in the first place that he and his friends were looking into the ley line. He wasn’t sure, either, how Whelk had come to the conclusion that forcing Adam into his car at gunpoint was the best way to find it. But, that was what this had come to.

“Look, I don’t know where it is,” Adam told his Latin teacher for what must have been the twelfth time.

Whelk shoved a map from the glove box at him. “I think you’ve got a better idea than you’re letting on,” he snarled. He prodded Adam’s shoulder with the gun, which struck Adam as a horribly ineffective way of encouraging him. “Point it out. Now.”

Adam sighed. “I don’t remember where exactly,” he said, but he studied the map, trying to relate it to the one he’d been looking at earlier. There were careful circles drawn on the map, and Adam studied the numbers written around them in a red scrawl.

“Hey! Show me where it is!” Whelk shouted, poking the gun into Adam’s arm again, harder this time. Adam still didn’t feel particularly threatened; Whelk was a desperate man, but he had to know that killing Adam wasn't going to help anything.

Adam leveled him with a stare, like he wanted to do with his father sometimes, though he didn’t dare. “Do you even know what you’re looking for?” he asked.

Whelk’s mouth twisted into an ugly shape. “A place to do the ritual,” he sneered. “Obviously.”

“To wake the ley line?” Adam asked curiously. His gaze drifted down to the map. He traced his finger around one of the circles. It was close, he thought, but –

“No!” Whelk shouted. “It doesn’t work there! I’ve already tried!”

The gun dug more urgently into Adam’s arm. Adam slid his finger up the map a little, just a fraction of an inch closer to one of the other circles. “Around there,” he said. “I think.” Whelk forced a marker on him, and Adam calmly drew a dot on the approximate location, though his heart was racing with the knowledge that Whelk had no use for him any longer. He handed the marker back.

“Thank you, Mr. Parrish,” Whelk said pleasantly, the desperation gone from his voice. The gun clicked. Adam wondered if Whelk had ever used a gun before. He didn’t have to wonder if Whelk had ever killed anyone before – he could see it in the cold, ugly light in his eyes, in the scattering of Noah’s notes on the map.

“How do you know I’m not lying to you?” Adam asked carefully.

The gun moved up to his head. “Are you?”

Adam shrugged. How could he be so brave with a gun to his head, and yet so terrified to find a hand clamped around his arm? How was it that he knew just what to do now, but he could never quite seem to escape harm when his father was the one delivering it? “I might be,” he said. “You never know. Maybe it would be better if you didn’t get the chance to wake the ley line.” He gave Whelk a cold stare. “Maybe I’m willing to die to keep you from finding it.”

Whelk shoved Adam’s head with the point of the gun, and Adam winced. He was starting to get used to the cold metal on his skin, but the feel of it digging into his forehead was hardly comfortable.

“Well, then you’re no use to me anyways,” Whelk determined. It was a game of chicken – who would back down first? Adam knew that it couldn’t be him. He couldn’t tell if Whelk was going to be stubborn enough to kill him anyways.

Then there was the sound of tires on gravel, and both Whelk and Adam turned to see a taxi pull into the small clearing where Whelk had parked his car. Normally, Adam would have wondered who would take a taxi to the middle of nowhere, but he was intensely aware that Whelk was distracted at the moment.

Adam watched carefully as the taxi neared a pot hole, and, as the wheel dipped into the hole with a thump, Adam popped the door open and threw himself to the ground, rolling away from the car as quickly as he could. As soon as he was hidden in the overgrown weeds at the edge of the clearing, Adam switched to a crawl and scrambled behind the nearest tree.

He glanced behind him, but it had only been moments since he had escaped the car, and Whelk hadn’t noticed his absence yet. Adam decided to risk it and darted to a tree a little further from the action. Deciding that the best way to avoid Whelk was to hide – it worked with his father – Adam began climbing the tree. He hadn’t climbed a tree in years, but his hands were prepared for the scraping of the bark, and he was desperate enough that skill was the least of things that got him into the tree and hidden among its leaves.

Adam heard angry shouting as he caught his breath; Whelk must have discovered that he had gone. None of the words he yelled were worth repeating. There was the rhythm another voice, only slightly more feminine, and Adam heard the taxi leaving.

“We can’t just let him go!” Whelk’s frustrated voice carried easily.

Adam strained his ears and was able to make out what Whelk’s companion said this time: “Why not? We have the map.”

“No! We can’t let him go free!” Whelk insisted.

“I would have thought that you learned your lesson by now, Barrington,” Whelk’s friend replied. “Not every problem can be solved by killing teenaged boys.”

Adam missed Whelk’s response as he shuddered at the comment, but he heard clearly the sound of a Taser being applied. He risked a peek through the leaves and was relieved to see that it was Whelk lying on the ground. Then he wondered if he should be concerned about the woman who had tasered his Latin teacher without the slightest provocation.

Currently, said woman was wrapping rope around Whelk’s wrists, but she paused to look up towards Adam. Her gaze sent chills down his spine, and Adam ducked back out of sight. When he chanced another look, the woman was loading Whelk into the trunk. Slamming it shut, she dusted off her hands and headed to the driver’s seat, where she proceeded to examine the map with a side of crackers from her bag.

Adam leaned back again. He was pretty sure that, whoever this was, she didn’t care about him. The only question was: what did he do now?

It was times like this that Adam wished that he’d kept Ronan’s phone the last time his friend had told him to take it and never bring it back. Then again, the only person he wanted to call would be Ronan, anyways. _Nothing like having a bigger asshole scrape a gun against your face to make you appreciate the one you’ve got,_ Adam thought bitterly, wishing he was still angry – he hated to apologize.

That didn’t matter right now, though. Adam was in the middle of nowhere, and he had no idea what to do next. Whatever it was, he had a feeling that he would have to do it alone.

Adam shifted, and felt something digging into his leg. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the compass, still as strange and beautiful as it was when Adam had first seen it. He squeezed his fingers around it in triumph and slid from the tree. He was going to find Cabeswater.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Blue are looking for Cabeswater... and Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. It's really not Saturday right now. But, you see, I unexpectedly acquired plans on Saturday. And then I had "Why can't I just end it here?" moments at 400 and 700 words in, but decided that was a little too short, and thus struggled to find words and plot. But, hey, at least it's not a week late! Hold off your hatred until after you've read the chapter. ;)

“This map is fucking useless!” Ronan complained again.

Blue shot him an unamused look from the passenger seat. “I would agree if you actually let me use it,” she commented. “You know, rather than risking our lives by being a typical man and having to do everything yourself.”

Ronan gave a frustrated growl and shoved the map at Blue. “Fine! You can find this fucking Cabeswater thing! But if you get us stuck in a ditch, I swear –”

“Me?” Blue interrupted, affronted. “ _You’re_ the one driving!”

“I’d be happy to let you drive,” Ronan snarled, “if I thought you were capable of going more than two miles an hour.”

“I’m _capable_ of driving fast,” Blue argued. “I just don’t want to end up, well, in a ditch!” Ronan pushed the car a little faster, hugging the shoulder as the road curved. “Ronan!” Blue objected. “You’re going to land us in a ditch!”

“Read the fucking map!” Ronan shouted. “Where the hell am I going?”

“Where are we, even?” Blue asked, frantically studying the map. “Why didn’t you plan the directions ahead of time?”

“Give me the fucking map!” Ronan ordered, reaching for it.

“No!” Blue protested. “You’re going to kill us!” She squinted at the map for another minute before shouting out suddenly, “Turn left!”

Ronan swerved the car into the left lane and made a turn that a traffic cop could probably have found a law against. In any other set of circumstances, Ronan would have felt exhilarated by it. Instead, it felt like he’d gone down a hill on a roller coaster that was not nearly as steep or as fast as it had looked. Nothing was going to be right until Adam was safe.

“I’m going to die in this car,” Blue declared in disbelief.

Ronan glanced over and found her fingers white on the edges of the map. He almost felt a tiny thrill go through him at the sight. _It would be better if Adam was here._ He shifted into the next gear. “Why did I even invite you along?” he muttered.

Blue laughed breathlessly. It was a long laugh, and it took Ronan a moment to realize that a part of her was enjoying the speed. He felt a small surge of affection towards her, his friend, his sister-in-arms. But then she said, “Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him? ‘Sorry I was an idiot?’”

Ronan curled his lip, glaring at the pavement ahead. After a minute, he confessed, “Not sure that will cut it.”

“‘Asshole?’” Blue said, and it was a minute before Ronan understood that she meant it as a replacement for “idiot,” and that she wasn’t simply calling him one. Not that it would have been inaccurate.

“Probably,” Ronan said quietly. He wasn’t used to saying things quietly, but this didn’t seem like a moment to be loud. “Probably still wouldn’t be enough.”

Blue was silent, and so Ronan spoke, because silence wasn’t the right answer for once. “What if… what if he doesn’t forgive me?” It wasn’t the question Ronan was most concerned about at the moment, but it was the only one he could voice.

“Well,” Blue said with a shrug, “then buy him something pretty.” She frowned. “Actually, don’t. Adam would hate that. Maybe you could buy him something ugly?”

Ronan snorted, though his chest felt hollow. “He already has plenty of ugly things.”

Blue laughed, and it sounded hollow, too. “Do you think we’ll find him?” she asked quietly.

“Of course,” Ronan said immediately. He didn’t doubt it – he would look for Adam until he found him, or until he died, in which case a broken promise was hardly consequential.

That wasn’t Blue’s real question, though, and Ronan knew it. But neither of them were willing to voice the real question, and so it remained unspoken, a heavy presence in the air around them. _Are we going to find him_ in time _?_

“Turn right up here,” Blue said, breaking the silence for just a moment. It pressed back in, though, engulfing everything in the car as Ronan made the turn onto the dirt road.

“How close are we?” Ronan asked after a minute.

Blue shrugged. “Hard to tell. Could be anywhere from a few feet to a few miles. This map isn’t very specific.”

Ronan let out a displeased breath. “Should I dream another compass?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know if we have time for that. Maybe… we’ll know it when we see it?” It was a terribly hopeful thought, but it was all they had.

They were both quiet for a few minutes, staring out at the grass and rocks standing out in the headlights, trying to get a glimpse of something _more_ beyond them. Ronan was about to suggest that they get out and walk when the headlights hit something that was decidedly not grass or rocks.

“That’s Whelk’s car,” Ronan said, grimacing at the unpleasant taste the words left in his mouth.

Blue’s breathing in the passenger’s seat was audible. “Do you think…?” But she didn’t finish the question. Whatever she had been planning on asking, Ronan wasn’t sure he wanted to ponder the answer.

Ronan pulled the car to a stop beside Whelk’s. If Adam had been there, he probably would have suggested that they hide the car so that Whelk wouldn’t know they were there if he happened to come back. But Ronan _wanted_ Whelk to know that he had incurred the wrath of Ronan Lynch. When Ronan punched him in the face, there would be fair warning.

Ronan threw his door open, tossing himself out of the car and into an anxious pose, ready to strike. Blue removed herself from the care more delicately. “Okay,” she said. “Which way?”

Ronan looked all around. Everything felt dark and mysterious; charged with energy, anticipation. “This way,” he answered, heading towards a grouping of trees.

“How can you tell?” Blue asked, jogging to keep up with his long strides.

He looked at her. “I can _feel_ it,” he said.

“Oh,” Blue said. “All right, then.” Ronan wondered at the fact that she didn’t question it, and he had to remind himself that she inhabited a house full of psychics; _feelings_ were likely a subject that came up before breakfast.

They soon broached the border of the forest, more out of hurry than proximity of the cars. The second they crossed the line of trees, the world became bright, as if it were noon rather than 10:23 at night. “Whoa,” Blue whispered reverently.

Ronan glanced at her, squinting to get used to the light. “You said one of aunts was probably here, right?” he asked, also in a whisper. “Did she do this?”  
Blue frowned at him. “Half-aunt,” she corrected absently. “And Neeve is a psychic, not a miracle-worker.”

“This isn’t a miracle,” Ronan told her, feeling it his duty to correct her in this matter of religion. Blue raised an eyebrow at him, awaiting further clarification. “It’s different,” he said simply. “Willful. Someone made this happen.” What he didn’t say was _Adam,_ because his thoughts screamed that name on a regular basis, and there was no way he could let himself believe that this was Adam’s doing. Not until he could see Adam for himself.

“This way,” Ronan said roughly, leading Blue further into the trees. He had a feeling that she knew the way, too, though he couldn’t say what gave him this impression. He couldn’t say where he acquired the knowledge of the correct direction, either.

After a minute of picking their way through the trees, they reached a wall of bushes. The energy beyond them was undeniable. Ronan exchanged a glance with Blue. She shrugged and stepped forward to part the thicket. The brambles sprang apart even before her hand reached them. They exchanged another glance, and then Blue stepped through the opening, Ronan close behind her.

Beyond the undergrowth, there lay a small, semi-circular clearing. In this clearing, there was a five-pointed star of candles and bowls. There was Whelk, with a gun, and Neeve, with an unconcerned expression.

And there was Adam. Ronan couldn’t feel his heart beating.

Adam didn’t look particularly concerned, either, for about a second. This was the second before the clearing as a whole registered the presence of its two uninvited guests. The second before Whelk shifted the gun from Adam to Ronan. The second before Whelk’s thumb moved, and the gun clicked.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All sorts of craziness going on in Cabeswater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is bordering very closely on what actually happened in canon right now, and I'm figuring anyone still sticking with me is here because a) the books are just that good to begin with, and b) there are hopefully enough differences to keep you interested. I just want you to know that I'm aware of it, and that it's because this is where the question of what is meant to happen becomes very, very relevant.
> 
> (Would this also be a good time to mention that I'm approximately 96% sure that this is going to be the second-to-last chapter?)

The world seemed to slow down as Ronan and Blue entered the clearing. Or maybe it just seemed that way to Adam. Maybe it was just for Adam that the air seemed to lose the ability to move into his lungs as Whelk moved the gun from him, a position Adam at least had a plan for, to Ronan, whose presence – whose mortality – Adam couldn’t quite seem to comprehend.

It probably _was_ just him, because Ronan simply smirked at the weapon. “Someone should take that away from you,” he said. Adam was startled by his audacity, and had to remind himself that conflict was where Ronan came alive.

Whelk shuffled his feet, because there really was no one on the planet capable of dealing with Ronan Lynch. Adam watched the action, and so he saw a root snake out and snare itself around Whelk’s foot. Whelk stumbled, and the gun went flying. It landed somewhere behind Neeve, who still seemed relatively uninterested in the events around her.

Adam stared at Whelk’s livid expression with a sense of wonder. Ronan had said it, and so it had been done. Adam wasn’t sure if that was the magic of the forest, or if it was just Ronan. Even if the trees hadn’t been sentient, as Adam suspected that they were, Ronan could have brought them to his side through sheer force of will.

“Adam!” Ronan’s sharp voice cut Adam away from his thoughts. He focused on Ronan, standing at the other end of the clearing like some sort of miracle. He didn’t seem at all concerned with Whelk, who, Adam could see from the corner of his eye, was trying to disentangle his foot from the root. He asked, “You good?”

Adam jerked his head in a nod before he could really think about the question. He thought that maybe _you_ was not the pronoun Ronan had intended to use. It occurred to him that the answer was the same either way. He cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m good; _we’re_ good.”

The set of Ronan’s shoulders relaxed just enough that Adam noticed. He could almost hear Ronan’s sigh of relief. “Adam,” he said softly, almost too quietly to be heard. His tone bordered on tender, and that terrified Adam.

Blue faked a gagging noise, and Adam looked at her for the first time. He immediately felt guilty about that, felt like a bad friend, but she was grinning. “Are you two just going to stand there making eyes at each other?” Ronan shook his head at her, and took a step forward. Adam felt frozen.

“Excuse me,” an exceedingly calm voice interrupted, “But I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t move.” Adam’s gaze swung to Neeve, who had finally decided to move, and was now holding the gun. Thankfully, it was pointed at Whelk rather than Ronan.

_Damn it,_ Adam thought. _How could I let myself get distracted like that?_ He exchanged a brief glance with Ronan, which turned into a long look. Adam had to force himself to tear his gaze away before the rest of the clearing could fall away again.

“Barrington, would you be so kind?” Neeve asked, gesturing to the center of the pentagram.

“I’d love to,” Whelk snarled, “but I’m afraid I’m a bit stuck.” He gestured to his foot; he was still literally rooted to the spot.

The smart move for Neeve at this point would have been to switch targets to one of the three people not currently stuck where they stood. Neeve, however, did not make the smart move. Instead, she approached Whelk, taking out a knife, and began to saw at the tree root. Whelk looked tense, probably ready to knock her down the second she had freed him.

“Should we –” Blue started, but, before she could finish, Neeve vanished into thin air.

The four remaining people in the clearing stared at the spot she had been, the spot where the gun now rested. Ronan broke the silence first. “What the actual fuck just happened?”

“Mom,” Blue whispered, not sounding entirely certain. “She said she was going to fight Neeve psychically.”

Ronan nodded, still looking as stunned as Adam felt. “Thank God for psychics,” he muttered.

It was at this moment that Whelk seemed to gather his wits, and he reached for the gun. Ronan reacted immediately, throwing himself across the clearing in an attempt to get the gun first. He only reached Whelk about three seconds too late.

All Adam could see was Whelk’s smile: hard, ugly, sinister. “You know,” he said, “Neeve said that I had to sacrifice something important to me. I think I’d like to try sacrificing you anyways.”

The leaves rustled in hisses of anger. Adam’s heart was pounding. Time had seemed to slow once more. He couldn’t fathom a world where Ronan Lynch was done in by someone other than himself.

But, while Adam couldn’t breathe, Ronan sneered at the barrel of the gun. “Good fucking luck,” he said. “I’m not getting in that pentagram. I won't be your sacrifice.”

Whelk’s mouth dropped into a tight line. The gun inched closer to Ronan’s forehead. “Either I shoot you here, or there. Doesn’t make much difference to me,” Whelk told him. “Do you want to die a part of something, or just some kid with a bullet in his head?”

Adam Parrish had a long-suffering list of things he could never sacrifice: his independence, his pride, his future. It wasn’t until this moment, though, that he realized that there was one very important thing that he had left off of that list. It was hard to put into words, but it was the flutter in his chest that he got when Ronan smiled at him – _genuinely_ smiled at him. It was the rush of heat to his face when Ronan casually brushed a hand against his. It was the way everything seemed to grow just that little bit duller whenever he left Ronan’s presence. It was the sting of tears as Ronan caught his eye and nodded at him slowly, already accepting his fate, so ready to die if it meant there was one less bullet for Adam.

Adam Parrish knew about sacrifice, but he also knew about things he could not live without, and one of those things was _Ronan._ Adam stepped into the pentagram.

“Adam, no!” Ronan shouted.

Whelk jerked his gaze to Adam, gun gripped tightly in his hand. “Don’t you dare,” he snarled.

But it was too late. Adam was in the pentagram, and he couldn’t be stopped now. “I sacrifice myself,” he announced to the forest; to Cabeswater; to whoever was listening. “I will be your hands; I will be your eyes.”

The gun fired, but the bullet never reached Adam. It stopped at the border, dropping to the ground as if robbed of all of its kinetic energy. Moments later – moments too late, if not for the pentagram – Ronan wrenched Whelk to the ground. The root wrapped around his foot snapped with the force of it.

The gun stumbled across the leaves, coming to a halt directly in front of Adam. Adam stared at it, resting in the dirt as if it were perfectly harmless. Whelk tried to fight Ronan off, and cried out as Ronan punched him in the face. The ground began to rumble.

“Ronan!” Adam shouted. Ronan looked up at him, and he seemed to understand because he got off of Whelk and snatched Blue’s hand, dragging her into the shelter of a hollow tree.

Seeing the approaching stampede, Whelk struggled to his feet. The first beasts came storming through before he could choose a direction to move in, and it became clear that the pentagram was the one boundary they wouldn’t cross. Whelk began making his way towards it.

Adam looked at him. It felt _wrong,_ letting a murderer in here, in this concentration of Cabeswater’s power. It felt as if it would poison the energy, somehow. It felt as if it would put them in more danger.

Adam picked up the gun and pointed it at Whelk. It was too loud to speak it, but Adam made it clear with his expression: _You aren’t welcome here._ He wasn’t sure if the sentiment belonged to him, or to Cabeswater.

The beasts continued charging through the clearing. Whelk fell to the ground, and Adam looked away. He dropped the gun, feeling somewhat ill with the texture of the warm grip still tingling against his hand. He understood, somewhere inside of himself, that he was no longer quite normal. That he could quite possibly do more damage with a handful of words to these trees than he could with that gun. He wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

As the last of the beasts thundered through the clearing, Ronan tore out of the tree. The expression on his face was hard to place – almost electric. Blue stumbled after him, looking slightly dazed.

“Adam,” Ronan said. He didn’t sound angry or anxious, as Adam had been expecting. His tone was simpler than that: he sounded happy.

Adam smiled at him. “Yeah,” he said, and it felt like he was saying a lot more. Above them, the trees were chaotic, whispering Latin praises and thanks in his ears.

Ronan toed a rock that Adam was sure hadn’t been there before. “The trees speak Latin,” he noted, studying a handful of words on the stone.

“Great,” Blue muttered. “Another supernatural conversation I can’t understand.”

Ronan laughed. Adam had never heard him sound so light-hearted. He looked at Adam, and it was as if there was a fire burning behind his eyes. He was looking so directly at Adam, and Adam didn’t quite know what to do with that. He swallowed thickly, choosing to ignore it for the moment. “So,” he said, “what do we do now?”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrap up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, we've arrived at the last chapter of this story. So, I just want to take this time to say thank you to everyone who's been reading the story, especially those of you who have left kudos, and _especially_ those who left comments. Thank you so, so much - I really couldn't have done this without your encouragement!

Ronan had hardly opened his eyes when Adam’s voice cut through the early morning light: “Are you sure this is okay?”

Sighing heavily, Ronan pushed himself up on the bed. Adam was sitting on Noah’s bed across from him, already dressed and swinging his legs, Calculus book perched on his lap. Choosing not to answer this question again, Ronan told him, “It is too goddamn early for derivatives.”

Adam offered a small smile. “I seem to recall finding you studying Latin at 3:30 in the morning a couple days ago,” he noted. “I don’t think you’re in any position to criticize _my_ study habits.”

Ronan grinned savagely. “I wasn’t studying,” he argued. “I was teaching Chainsaw.”

“Somehow, I don’t doubt that,” Adam replied. He tapped his pencil against the pizza box resting on the bed beside him, right where it had been for the last two days.

“How long have you been up?” Ronan asked casually, moving across the room to feed Chainsaw. “I didn’t notice you getting up.”

“Not too long,” Adam replied, and, though Ronan wasn’t facing him, he felt certain that Adam had shrugged as he said it. “I was surprised I didn’t wake you, actually,” he continued. “I had to move your arm off of me five times before I could get up.”

“Should have taken the fucking hint,” Ronan remarked with a smirk as he turned back to Adam. “You could use the extra sleep.”

Adam laughed. “Pot calling the kettle black,” he observed. He traced the shape of a leaf on the lid of the pizza box. “They said I could move into St. Agnes today, right?” he said quietly. “They’ve cleaned the place out?”

He looked over to meet Ronan’s eyes, and Ronan looked away. “Yeah,” he said. His voice was rough, and he cleared his throat, moving his eyes back to Adam’s. “Any time today,” he said, although Adam already knew this. “I can help you move your stuff in, if you want.”

They both looked at the small pile of Adam’s possessions against Noah’s closet – a bag of clothes, a backpack full of textbooks, and cereal box with a Transformer peeking its torso out into the room. Whenever Adam left the room, Ronan added a few more coins to the meager pile collecting in the bottom of the box. Even with only one person, it could probably be managed in one trip.

Adam turned back to Ronan. “That would be nice,” he said hesitantly. “I – I don’t think I said thanks yet,” he added. “For helping me get it out. Thank you.”

Ronan nodded sharply. On Monday, they had skipped lunch to move Adam’s things out of his house while his father was working, with Ronan standing guard by the front door with his thumb hovering over the call button on his phone. Later that day, Adam had used that phone to call his parents and tell them that he had moved out. The feeling of triumph that Ronan had felt in that moment could only be rivaled by the disappointment in this one. He’d had Adam in his room for a week now, and, though he wasn’t going anywhere dangerous, Ronan couldn’t help but wish that he wasn’t leaving.

He opened his mouth, knowing that asking Adam to stay was the wrong thing to say almost as strongly as he felt that he had to. At the last moment, though, he changed his mind – Adam would never be okay with surrendering the money that he’d already turned over to the church. He would never be okay with taking for free what everyone else in the dorms paid large sums of money for, even though the price was nothing to them. _Especially_ because the price was nothing to them.

“You need a mattress, right?” Ronan said instead. Adam nodded in a guarded sort of way that told Ronan that he was afraid that he was about to offered something. In spite of this, Ronan continued. “I think that second-hand shit shop might have a cheap one. I can help you get it to the church.”

Adam hesitated. “You don’t have to,” he said uncertainly.

Ronan shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, Parrish. Besides, I bet that floor is uncomfortable as shit.”

“Okay,” Adam said, nodding slowly. “Yes. Let’s go get a mattress.”

Grinning wildly, Ronan snatched his keys from the desk. He led the way out of the building in an exuberant march. He held the door open for Adam, who looked at him with amusement. “Never thought I’d see Ronan Lynch hold the door for someone,” he commented, pausing just outside the building.

“I guess you just don’t know me well enough, Parrish,” Ronan told him. He started for the parking lot, but Adam grabbed his wrist.

“Hey,” he said. “Seriously, thank you.”

Ronan frowned. “It’s just a door, Adam.”

Adam shook his head. His hand was still on Ronan’s wrist. “Not just for the door,” he clarified. “Thank you for… for everything.” He sighed, dropping his gaze. “I just wish I knew what to do now.”

Ronan knew what he meant. They had awoken Cabeswater, but this guy Noah had been talking about hadn’t shown up. Noah himself had only appeared for brief moments over the last week. There was not yet a date for his funeral, but it was only a matter of time. The police were looking for Whelk, who they thought had fled. There had been no sign of Neeve. Everything felt so… _unfinished._

Still, Ronan replied to Adam with absolute certainty: “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

Adam smiled, raising his eyes back up to meet Ronan’s. “Do you get the feeling that we’re suddenly so much closer to the way things are supposed to be?” he asked, his grip on Ronan’s arm tightening slightly. “Like, maybe this is where we were supposed to be all along? That this is… fate?”

“Or something like that,” Ronan finished wryly, suppressing a smile. He pried Adam’s fingers from his wrist to lace them with his own. “We’ll still figure it out.”

Adam looked down at their hands. “You know it’s far from over,” he said, licking his lips. Ronan nodded soberly. “There’s still a lot we don’t know,” Adam continued. He gave Ronan’s hand a squeeze. “We –”

“For fuck’s sake, Parrish,” Ronan interrupted. “Would you shut up and kiss me already?”

Adam laughed. “Asshole,” he accused, but he stepped closer and put his free hand on Ronan’s shoulder. His face moved a little closer – his _lips_ moved a little closer. He paused with his nose nearly touching Ronan’s. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Ronan only studied him long enough to be sure that _Adam_ wasn’t having doubts. “Absolutely,” he said. Adam smiled, and he was so close that Ronan’s eyes nearly crossed to see it. Adam’s hand moved from Ronan’s shoulder to the back of his head. Ronan closed his eyes.

“Excuse me,” an irritatingly polite voice interrupted.

The warmth of Adam’s hand vanish from Ronan’s head as abruptly as the voice had appeared. Ronan opened his eyes to glare at the interruption, a boy about their age, looking perfectly formal and slightly familiar in his suit. He didn’t seem to notice Ronan’s glare of death as he studied his campus map – he probably hadn’t even realized that he’d interrupted anything. He continued, “Do you happen to know –?”

“Sorry,” Adam interjected, tightening his grip on Ronan’s hand. “Can you hold that thought for just a minute?” He turned back to Ronan, his hand moving to the back of Ronan’s head once more. Before Ronan could properly interpret what was happening, Adam’s lips were on his and they were kissing. In spite of his surprise, Ronan quickly got with the program, letting himself get lost in the sensation of Adam’s lips against his own. It was everything he had been hoping for, and more. It was a beginning, a promise, a confession. It was _fate._

They might have kissed for hours, if they weren’t dragged back to reality by another voice. This time, it was Noah, looking at all three of them simultaneously as he declared, “It’s about damn time!”


End file.
